Know how you feel about the cards, I had to find S's birth certificate and of course they were together with mine, h's and our wedding certificate I found that quite hard to deal with so quickly got out what I wanted and put the rest away quickly.. Normally I would have nagged S to give his back but I dont want to go back in the folder till things are more settled here!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I was kinda reading thru the MLC thread and am wondering if that is partly why my DB efforts have failed?
If by failing you mean that you are not remarried yet then the answer is YES. MLC is not something that you can fix. There are no magic buttons or tricks. LRT does work for MLC but it is to protect you not to fix your marriage.
The short formula is MLC = depression + unresolved childhood issues. Add in a traumatic experience (death in the family,sickness, money issues) and poof you have a MLC.
You should read the MLC resources. If you need links just ask me and I will give them to you.
Quote:
H go to counseling.
I am not sure that this is an idea that will do any good. I was in IC/MC for 7 months and all it did was validate my W desire to get a D. For MC to work both parties need to buy into the idea. Unless you are at that stage I wouldn't waste my time or money.
As far as moving your thread that is up to you. We do things a little bit differently on that board. J3B has a new thread that started yesterday with some MLC questions on it. You should read that.
Wow! Lots to absorb! I am wishing I would have read more about MLC in the beginning of this sitch...
I am "dropping the rope". I am letting go! I am going to call my L on Monday and tell her that we don't have to ask for H to do any counseling.
I have decided to not write an anonymous letter to OW's family.
I think OP is right in that the kids are old enough that they are going to figure out about the OW all on their own.
I am stepping back...no more rescuing, no more controlling behaviors, no more...
I am still worried about how I should act tomorrow when H gets here. I have been friendly, welcoming and helpful when H has stopped by in the past. I think I need to be how you are when a salesperson comes to your door trying to sell you something that you don't want! Polite but uniterested? Strong and confident and dignified.
The hardest part is going to be the conversation with the kids. I read that it is best to not show your emotions and I am not sure that I will be able to hold back. It will depend on how the kids do with the news.
Guys, wish me luck in handling myself and if you have anything to add, please do!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW I think you are getting to a good place for you emotionally. Regarding the kids, it was impossible for me not to show any emotion when H told them he was considering moving out. I got teary. I also made it clear to the kids this was their Dad's choice, not mine. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. My H told me later that conversation with the kids was one of the turning points for him to reconsider leaving.
I am still worried about how I should act tomorrow when H gets here. I have been friendly, welcoming and helpful when H has stopped by in the past. I think I need to be how you are when a salesperson comes to your door trying to sell you something that you don't want! Polite but uniterested? Strong and confident and dignified.
Just don't be mean, otherwise I am not sure it matters how you act.
Remember in MLC You can do nothing to help the sich you can only push him deeper in the tunnel
Just be polite and treat like you would any other stranger that was visiting for the first time, because yes he no longer an H but a stranger!
Oh and you wouldnt burst into tears infront of a stranger would you, try and stay calm and come and let it all here later today.. Thinking of you and glad that the MLC crew have been some help!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
