DU, I saw Couples Retreat and yes, it does provide some enlightenment into how couples interact. However, when it comes to a MLCer, all of the normal avenues for communication tend to be tossed out of the window. The thought processes for a MLCer are all based on emotions, authority figures and rebelling. They feel "entitled", they feel that they have done everything for everyone else and now it is their turn to get what they want no matter who they hurt to get it.
Even though you do not see the hurt/pain that he is experiencing, it is there. The bruises, bumps, scratches are on within. No one knows what these folks went through as children and even though they may have talked a little about their childhoods, as adults, we may have listened and then let it go because it was so long ago. The pain that we all have experienced when they flipped is something that we, as rational human beings, are experiencing each and every day, i.e., we are walking through the fires of hellish pain, and we will get to the other side and learn from those days of pain. Unfortunately, our spouses have attempted every avenue to self-medicate in order to avoid the pain. Trust me, the pain is just as bad for them, if not worse, than what we experienced. Bottom line, they cannot run or hide from that pain, for it will catch up w/them at some point.
If your h does move back home, you will need to treat him as you would a roommate or a friend, expectations will need to remain at zero and questions should be about the house, children, finances, etc. Do not expect him to tell you where he is going, how long he'll be out or an apology. He's still trying to work through his issues. If he wants to talk, listen, do not offer up any advice on how to fix him. He needs to learn how to do that himself. Keep yourself busy, continue being the best lady that you can and are and do not take anything he says or does to heart. There are going to be times when he's acting out...just remember...this is about him, not you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
