Still confused as to whether H's admittance of "fear" is a true root of his anger, or if it's an excuse for not admitting his own bad behavior. This is all quite sad. How does love come to this?
H started in on me about forgetting to change a bank account that had started accruing fees. I had forgotten to go in and change it to one that doesn't charge fees - this is a button for H when I forget stuff I promise to do. H starts raising his voice "What would have happened if I hadn't reminded you?! Tell me!" Stayed silent, he continued to pressure me.
I set my boundary! I refused to answer him, then said I felt uncomfortable about the intensity of energy in his questions, and his resistance to backing down (something we talked about in MC) and that I didn't think he'd be happy with any answer. I said calmly I was feeling uncomfortable and that I was going to leave the room until we could stop talking about it.
And I did.
When I returned, H asked politely and more calmly - "You know what would be helpful? If you went to the bank right now and took care of it."
I did. We got along great the rest of the day. We were doing family crafts and the tone of the whole afternoon had been light and fun and chatty.
It was really scary. H scares me when he is like that. But I told him I felt attacked and wasn't comfortable having that conversation. I did it. H responded. It's progress.
I just hate feeling scared of my H. I feel hope and despair at the same time.
