6months pregnant & husband involved in PA

[Piano]

Ok , I am new to this - so bear with me. My husband (39) of 13 years is leaving me (35) and I am 6months pregnant with our first baby. He dropped the bombshell just after Xmas. He said "Something has happened..." and I knew straight away it was an affair. We had been separated for 3 months as we made the transition from living in France (where he is from) to Australia (he is also an Aust. citizen thanks to living here with me for 8 years in-between our times in France). It's not been uncommon for us to spend some time apart. But two weeks after I left, he was involved in a PA. Of course, I was completely oblivious the whole 3 months, as he kept our daily communication normal. He told me he had had a 5-6 week affair with a childhood friend (they are practically cousins, and I know her well too), but that he'd been fixated on her for months leading up to the affair (so since may 09), that he was very much 'in love' with her ("I love this girl") despite them having 'renounced' their union out of guilt and turmoil 3 weeks before he left France, that he 'loved me' but was not 'in love' with me anymore. He also kept saying that he was 99% sure he "never wanted to live with me ever again" (he said this over and over, with almost anger - but wouldn't really go into the reasons why...?), that he had came back to Australia to tell me face to face, that he had come back with a slight sense of hope for us, which dissipated almost on arrival. I told him to go back to France to test his love with her, but he refused. He said in the first few weeks that his head was full to exploding, and that enough people had told him that he wasn't thinking straight and that he should seek help, and that he wasn't even sure he 'trusted himself'.
After the intitial bombshell,I told him to leave immediately, but 2 days later was back trying to understand, to reason with him, to change him mind. This pushed him away and after one month of that, he went from being unsure to sure he wanted to leave me. He has been living with friends for the last 2 months. We only spent two nights together since he returned. The OP is in France and I thought it was over, and that was giving me hope... Then, still struggling with why he wouldn't give us any ounce of a second chance, I got it out of him ( a really bad fight) that the affair had not ended with the woman in France.. and he even told me he thought she would be prepared to move to Australia to be with him while he welcomes his child into the world. So he is obviously still in "affair/fantasy land". I was outraged.
A bit of family tree background... my husband was abandoned by his father one month after the birth (his dad was 25 at the time, his mother 20..it was an accident, so not quite the same situation) and friends with insight and psychologists (have seen a few since) say he is repeating family history. He doesn't see it this way. He thinks he has seen the light, had a epiphany, even going as far to call it a 'personal revolution' at one point. He thinks this is about 'Eros' - love and he wants to be loved passionately and to love passionately. He says he was unhappy for years, has had doubts about us for years, that he should have left me years ago but stayed to please me and others, but that finally all the doubts have bubbled to the surface and he can't ignore them anymore.
We had reproductive treatment to have this baby. It was his idea, more than mine, and now he leaves me and my family to take all the responsibility. I think unconsciously he is terrified of becoming a father, doesn't know how to do it, but that there is also something in his core which is missing. He says we have different values. That I believe in 'fixing' relationships & he doesn't. He wishes I could be happy without him and thinks I deserve to be loved better.
He has been seeing a psychologist now for about 7 weeks...and although they have covered his family history etc, I have a feeling he is just affirming my hub's wishes to fulfil his desires and convictions. I have seen one myself, to help with the shock, grief, anger, sadness. Recently I found a neonatal and post-natal psychiatrist who I think can address the parenting issues, and by default, since they are inseparable, the couple. I think my hub would be resistant to any form of 'couple counselling' now (we tried it once early on - was a disaster), which leaves either separation counselling or counselling focused on the child which is due in 3 months. He is interested in attending that, but is also job hunting locally and interstate...!!
I have following the DR for about two weeks, have told him he can have his space, that I accept his wish to separate, that I will get on with my own life.
But I am finding it really hard to decide whether or not to keep being patient, or if this game is over and I don't even know it/accept it.
Any advice would be most appreciated...