You'all make it sound so upbeat and easy.

Quote:
Make a fabulous life for yourself. Value your friends, your family, your career, hobbies, community services … all of those things. Invest in them … you might just find that while you’re busy living, a man worthy of you will notice


If you knew how many times I've said that to myself ... it's almost cliché. It's just not so easy, when you're lonely and starved of affection and intimacy.

I do this thing that means I'm attracted to whatever man pursues me - and I know that's not working for me – I’m not being discerning … but it’s like it’s better than nothing.

I’ve cooled it with marriedmanfriend … and of course that’s encouraged him to pursue me more. I love it. I love the pursuit. I love the attention. I love the idea of him.

I don’t feel as though I can say “Look, this is weird. You’re married and your spending all this time talking to me. Concentrate on your wife.” Because our “friendship” has been very intense, but very platonic. There has been no overt mention of future intimacy. There has been no overt sexualisation. It’s all very covert. (and that in itself is sexy as hell) … and the bottom line is – spending less time talking to him has left a hole in my life.

I’m doing all the things one is supposed to do. Filling up my life with interesting activities, girlfriends, work, gym (I ran 20km this morning before the monsoon came through).

When does the “make a fabulous life for yourself” become real .. and not something I’m just trying to do to fill in time between one man and another????

I hate that I’m such an emotional cripple. Why can’t I have it together? I look at my family and other friends and they seem to be able to pull it off. What’s wrong with me?

I’ve got a girlfriend who says everyone has about 3 specialities. She says mine are career, lyrics and herbs and spices. When I talk about relationships – she laughs and shakes her head and says “Oh Sunshine … don’t worry about that, relationships aren’t one of your specialities” well, I know that – but why not? and why does it feel so hopeless when it’s pointed out to me???

Just dribbling really.

Thanks for listening.