How do youfeel about having contact with ladybug now...I mean she is allowed to email you or call you directly now, right? So is that weird? How are you feeling about just still talking/seeing her now that you are separated?
So newmama. How did you know this was what was on my mind all this week?
I have spent a bit of time here on this thought.
And it is one that requires a detailed answer. Which I will write out later.
I had to save her today with the wedding party. She called crying and said she needed to vent over some issues there and apologized for calling and venting. So I had to do some legwork for her with the wedding party. Which I said to her was ok. And that I would take care of it. Which I did. It was just a downpayment on a hall for a jack and jill. Did I need to do this. No. But I did anyways and I am wondering why I did. This is her mess she created. And here I am helping her out. Again this week.
I was asked this week if I am happy. I replied. No. I am not happy I am surviving and getting by. But that I know will be alright. I still have a little love ( as I mentioned earlier this week) for ladybug. And I have locked it away. It hurts to think of the life she has picked. And I am guessing that a little part of me has not given up on her yet. And it hurts to know I can be completely done with her.
I find my thoughts very confusing. I am not in limbo. But I am moving. I do not understand exactly why I still love this woman. I do not understand exactly why I can live the rest of my life without her. Yet here I am helping her. And she does not deserve my help. I fear that she thinks we will become friends. For I do not want that. Civil and nice and thats that.
Cutter is confused.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
