I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Quart9]

I'm really pissed at myself today and I have a hangover. Not real for sure if I acomplished GAL last night. I went out with some buddies and had a good time, but after I got back and sat here alone I started thinking about W. I resisted the urge to drunk dial her but instead drove over to our apt - drunk - in the rain. This is the second time I have done this (the first time it wasn't raining though). I feel like such a retard today for doing that.

I didn't go over there to talk to her or anything, I just wanted to see if she was home and safe (what a sap). For sure I also wanted to see if there was another car there I didn't recognize. She was there (or her car was) and there were no other cars there.

I don't drink that often and I have made a point not to since this all started because I know I'll do stupid sh!t like this.

Now I'm sitting her today stuggling with wanting to call/text her. I typed out a text a minute ago to ask her what she is up to but didn't send it and I deleted it.

BTW Sandi2 - no prob on the confusion. I just appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback. I need some memory help too - but I would prefer help in the opposite direction -haha!

I'm still thinking over the idea about filing first. I have talked to a couple of my friends and family about it today and they like it too. It does seem like a good idea and ultimately I would hope that it would result in lighting a fire under her and make her reconsider what she is doing. I am, however, still struggling with this thought that she would look at it as validation for her actions and free her conscience (if she even has one) as being the divorcer.