WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Thanks for your comments 25yearsmlc.

My wife took the "God led me here" approach with regard to her EA early on, when she was brand new to Christianity. I don't think she believes that now; she has admitted that what she was/maybe still is doing was a sin and was wrong. But she is big into believing that God forgives even the most terrible sinner, and feels that if she ended our marriage and took up with the OM, she would be forgiven for it.

I'll try to address the questions from your post:

First--on R's, have you read "The Five Love Languages", "Blue Like Jazz"
I bought Love Languages for my wife - interestingly before she dropped the bomb she asked me if I could guess what her love language was (this is where I got the idea she was interested in the book and got it for her post-bomb. Don't know if she's read it yet - she mysteriously bookmarked right after the page that talks about the "in love" feeling being fleeting and that it will not last. I guess that made her want to stop reading since it probably wasn't what she wanted to hear. I have not read the book yet but intend to.

Haven't read "Blue Like Jazz" but my wife has, recently, I think. Sounds familiar.

And I think there's an anti-Catholic bigotry (under rated imo) and ignorance, as I rarely find their objections to be theologically reasonable. I mean, I do have some issues with the Church, (but they are not deal breakers obviously) but ironcially, the objections these believers raise, are often not even accurate...but I digress
You are absolutely right. No question about it, and I feel the same way about the church. My wife is very anti-Catholic for herself, but still agreed that our kids would be raised Catholic.

The utter purposeless of life through the eyes of an atheist, would have been so depressing to me.
I agree. I don't know how people cope with the inevitable tradgedies of life without a strong faith. I am happy my W has found faith now, as she has said it has done wonders for her in dealing with her current stresses.

Also I wonder about your w's new found faith. How strong is it really? Does she attend Mass, or some type of service regularly? Has she read any C.S. Lewis? Have you?
She attends service at a non-denominational Christian church each week. I don't know how strong her faith is, she is very serious about it though, and getting very involved with her church. However when we used to have relationship talks she would say that she is so new to the Bible and Christianity that she doesn't really know how to model her life on it. She knows it doesn't approve of divorce and infidelity but she has no hope for our relationship in her heart, so this causes inner conflict between what she knows to be right and what she feels.

I don't know if she has read any C.S. Lewis. I have not, but I will look into your recommendations.

I'd mention to your w, IF THE SITCH/CONVO ARISES... that there are people in this world who claim their religion justifies murder; so just b/c someone is a "believer" doesn't guarantee morality in their choices. Just makes the self serving nature of their rationalizations a tad harder to debate.
Going along with what I noted at the top of this post, I don't think she is sticking to this thinking anymore. I think the more she has studied Christianity and the Bible, the less she thinks her situation was created by God. But her heart is still not with me, so what she knows is the "right thing" by God's standards is not what is in her heart. So she questions it.

What lead to her moving out? And Are you still doing the Retrovaille program?
Her refusal to drop the EA led to me telling her she needed to go if she was not going to cease all contact. Ironically she agreed to cease AFTER getting an apartment as a condition of me moving to it on the weekends so she could be home with the kids. But she violated the no contact boundary so I broke off the deal.

We completed the Retrouvaille weekend, all post sessions, and were good about doing the dialoguing exercises throughout. We no longer do anything regarding it now. She never stopped the EA the entire time, so Retro did not have the impact it would have otherwise. We both still feel that it did do a tremendous job in fixing the way we communicate. So that alone made it worthwhile. But she kept thinking at some point a bolt of lightning would appear and snap her out of the feelings in her heart. It never did, obviously, so she felt that the majority of Retro was an empty exercise for her.

If she ever stated to me she wanted to drop all OM related things and work on us (which she has never stated, ever) I would likely suggest that we start doing dialogues again.