First of all, he is just walking in the door after being away for a long time. You have had time to move into the house, unpack, settle in, etc. He is walking in the door cold. So don't hit him over the head with all this right away. As a man on the board once said, the worst words to a man are "We have to talk." So, don't start off with that. Let him come home, get welcomed by his happy children and his pretty wife, have a good meal, have a nice night, even take a few days to adjust. Then, when you know that he has contacted OW, and the bad feelings from that start to be a problem, then, you tell him that you think the marriage and the kids deserve for the two of you to try to make things better by going to MC, and give him the card. You could put in something about that you both have made mistakes, but you want to have a good relationship with him in the future, and he is still your best friend.
You have the same problem many people do. You think that the truth has to hurt. The truth is brutal. Sometimes, the truth is nice. It is better to compliment him and say "I appreciate how you work to support the family, and I want home to be a happy place for all of us". That is the truth as much as "You can't have a wh@re in VA" is the truth. But which truth is more likely to get him to go to counseling with you? Men reject their wives because they feel the wives are always critical of them. It is hard not to be. I know that. I had to stop it too. No man is going to live up to your dreams, you may as well accept that now. It will never be even close to perfect. But it can be better than it is. And that comes from knowing which side of the bread has the butter, and keeping that side facing up!
You say love is a commitment. No, love is love, and commitment is commitment. Besides, remember, he's in love with someone else. So if you say that, then he will think he needs to be committed to her. You do not have all the answers by yourself. You and he need the help of MC or Retrouvaille (www.helpourmarriage.org). Don't preach the stuff you've learned from reading books and talking on this site. Not that it is bad stuff, it isn't, but he isn't going to accept it just because you say it. In fact, he will probably reject it just because you say it. Rome wasn't build in a day. Take it one step at a time. Just try to get him to go with you to counseling.
