Trying to move on

[Onthemountaintop]

[quote=ClingingToHope Am I truly in love with W or just addicted to being in the relationship? I don't know if I've totally figured that out. The money thing is a major issue for me right now. Like you said, it's bothering me that they have a "home" with W and not with me. [/quote]

Do you have an IC to talk this over with? I've been trying, but my own confusions in my sitch hasn't helped. If the IC did help solve this question to 95% accuracy (I love numbers~), then you might be more ready for the D, or who knows.

[ClingingToHope]

My work has an employee assistance program where I got three free sessions and she threw in a fourth. I also paid for three divorce busting sessions.

I did the DB sessions in September, October and November. Dottie would get me fired up and ready to talk to W and put some things into practice and then W would just smash things apart.

She was still in the looking for lawyers stage and first six months of me having an apartment -- which finally freed her up from the kids every other weekend and on Wednesdays.

She admitted missing talking to me about work -- but nothing else. She said she was "happy because she feels more in control of her life."

Then I did the free IC sessions in November, December, January and February.

The IC has read the DB books, but she's not a big believer. She divorced her husband. She doesn't believe that there's just one person out there for me.

She told me that when she sees her ex now -- they were married 23 years -- that it's like seeing an old boyfriend.

We didn't really go into anything in depth. She mostly just sat there and let me talk.

She's the one who said it sounds like my W is the type of person who is always just below happy and constantly searching for things that will make her happy. Even when she finds them, they don't last and she starts searching again.

I asked her if those types are ever cured. She said not often, they usually continue to look forever, blaming outside things for their unhappiness.

The ones that do realize they have a problem, get help and many times get on medication.

That gave me hope as well as no hope, if that makes sense.

In 2008, without telling me, W started seeing a counselor for depression. She stopped, she said, because the counselor wanted to hypnotize her and put her on Prozac.

The question is does W believe there are greater issues playing in her depression or just me?

Time will tell.

[ClingingToHope]

After school sitter asked to talk to me for a few minutes.

She's frustrated with W. She said she isn't returning her texts or messages. W paid her just $43 -- why that amount -- for a full day of babysitting on Monday because the kids were off school. Usually she gets $65. When she's asked W to move things D7 loves to grab to torment D10 W doesn't respond.

Basically, she said she's moving to a cheaper place and will save enough that she no longer needs this second job. She feels like quitting because W isn't talking to her but doesn't want to.

I gave her $22 to make up for the short fall and told her to send me an email on what she'd like to see changed.

Typical W. So caught up in her own world she forgets anyone else is out there.

[awest1217]

Something to think about. For the D case, try to get some of this in writing from the babysitter because although you don't want to be nasty, it does go in your favor of joint everything because you are the one being responsible not W. If she is going for sole custody just because of the money when you are the one really supporting the girls, I just don't think that is going to fly.

For now just let that go and Have fun this weekend!

[ClingingToHope]

I've kind of wondered what it would take for me to go after sole custody. W's work history would be fair game. Showing a judge that she averages 60 to 70 hours a week. Also, calling in teachers and school administrators to talk about who typically picks up, drops off kids and is more responsive.

Honestly I don't want any of that. But who knows now. I haven't been through it. You don't really learn until you actually go through something.

I pray I have strength and patience.

[ClingingToHope]

Silly, sad story. Went to pick up D10 from play practice last night. She seemed down again. She spent 30 minutes talking to another lady on the costume committee -- the committee that W is on -- about what's going on.

This lady looks so much like W they are called the twins. And she just finished getting divorced. Funny, this is a Christian youth theater group. I thought the Bible discouraged divorce.

Anyway, the lady said hi to me, how are you doing. I just said fine and gathered up the girls.

She looks like W but is way more outgoing and friendly. I wonder why she went through D -- her or her husband's decision. I don't remember ever seeing him around the theater group.

Had problems getting girls to be quiet after 9 p.m. last night. The neighbor in the apartment building has been complaining they are too loud.

I hate -- and I don't like to use the word hate -- having to tell them to be quiet when I have them. I'm getting more desperate to find a house to rent.

The problem is the houses I've seen are either too small or in neighborhoods I wouldn't want the girls to be in.

Why am I up so early on a Saturday? D7 has started watching Pokemon and she wanted to get downstairs as soon as she woke up.

D10 is still sleeping. I wish I was.

[awest1217]

8 am is early. Lol I am extremely excited when S let's me sleep in until 7...8 would be a dream. Enjoy your day.

[Onthemountaintop]

Had problems getting girls to be quiet after 9 p.m. last night. The neighbor in the apartment building has been complaining they are too loud.

Imagine trying to get 5 kids to be quiet! Does the apt have some rule about that? In our city, quiet is expected by 10. 9pm seems a bit early.

If there isn't a rule, maybe the neighbour needs to be understanding - you're all going through a lot of stress.

[ClingingToHope]

I wrote her a letter with our schedule. She still glares at me and doesn't say a word when I see her. Her boyfriend is a nice guy.

It's a downer when I have to tell the girls they have to quiet down. There are houses in my price range but nothing that I really like yet.

It goes in spurts. I'll have them here tonight and Wednesday for the next two weeks, so there's no rush. I'd really, really, really like to find something I could move into by April 1. Although that will be tough timing. I'm out of town March 31, April 1 and April 2. I'd have to be able to move in early or wait until May 1.

Had a GREAT night at Medieval Times, although D7 had several meltdowns and even D10 was disappointed when I wouldn't pay for a dungeon tour.

Still, 98 percent positive.

[ClingingToHope]

Weird thing got me down last night. Shows how far I still have to go. At Medieval Times, I didn't think of W much. On way back I noticed she texted me. She needed to talk to D10 before 7 p.m.

Why 7 p.m. Date. Movie with her mom. Drinks with the divorced coworkers. Trip to little town to party with best friend and biker gang.

I shouldn't care. People tell me some day I won't.

Really?

Already starting to stress about next weekend. What to do? Of course, I've found things every weekend I've been free, but I have no more basketball games this year so I've got Friday and Saturday free.

I guess if nothing happens I'll actually save money. That would be a first.