Sorry for what is happening. I am a little late with this but LR gave you good advice. I would try to stay as dark as possible. Don't do anything to help him with the D. Protect yourself but try not to speed up the process. How long does it take in your state? Believe it or not validating his desire for a D although counterintuitive may actually make him realize that what he is doing is wrong.
Hang in there. These are tough times. Keep on working on your GAL activities.
Thanks OP-I have read your posts to others and appreciate your input here! I was awake half the night trying out different convo's in my head and couldn't come up with any that didn't sound whiney or desperate. So, will do as you so and just tell him if this is what you really want...
I believe that it takes 6mos for it to be final.
OP-how do you feel on telling the kids the truth about the OW?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I wouldn't tell him anything. Go NC. That is what he wants, a D. That means NC with you. You need to communicate that to him by doing it. Not talking about it. That will probably be a 180 for you. Just guessing.
Quote:
OP-how do you feel on telling the kids the truth about the OW?
I wouldn't. It is controlling from you. They need to make there own decisions. You concentrate on being the best MOM you can be. They will figure out for themselves about their DAD. Give them credit for having their own brains and being able to make their own decisions. It may take longer but it will be a better outcome.
Ok...see what you are saying but I think, weather permitting that H is coming over tomorrow to visit with the kids and assume since I got the papers in the mail he will want to tell the kids. I want their Dad to tell them about his decision. I want them to know that a D is not something that I want.
Since he will be here, I will obviously have to talk to him. I think I should be here when he talks to the kids.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
You can certainly talk to your children. I am just saying that there is really nothing to say to your H. What is it that you want to say? I like the visual of keep ears and eyes open and mouth shut. You can talk to kids after he leaves and let them know your feelings, I just would not start with him around. You don't need to start an argument with him if you don't agree with what he is saying.
Thank OP- I just meant that H would be here and unless I give him the silent treatment we will have to speak to each other. If we talk it will be about the kids. The way it is looking the weather will not be kind to us tomorrow so may not have to deal with him anyway.
I was kinda reading thru the MLC thread and am wondering if that is partly why my DB efforts have failed? It was said in one thread that the LRT didn't work for MLCer's. I don't know...just asking. I truly believe that H is in full MLC and then with the A on top of that...wondering now if I should even bother with asking for trying to draw out this D as long as I can? We had hoped to stall it with me claiming that I don't think that the M is beyond repair and asking that H go to counseling. I know that will really make him mad as he does not believe in counselors.
Also, should I move my thread to a different forum now?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Good to hear your still chipper under the circumstances, will be thinking of you tomorrow hun, hope it goes well and that H behaves as much like a gentleman he can manage!
Believe me he is gonna be more scared than you, he is coming into your domain now and throwing down a pretty huge gauntlet, just remember youre not on your own were all standing behind you, whose he got!
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 02/20/1005:47 PM.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi LR! Good to hear from you! I wouldn't say I was chipper but the serentiy prayer is helping and it is true! There is not a dang thing I can do about this. I never thought of myself as a controlling person but I must have some issues! I was thinking that tomorrow if H comes, I have a pile of mail for him and a couple of bills that he needs to pay since he didn't leave enough money for them and I was thinking that I would normally say to him, "you might want to pay those asap as they are already a month overdue" which would be a controlling statement. Instead I will just give them to him. They are his hot rod and motorcycle payments so I could care less if they get paid or not! Won't affect me!
His sis is here and wanted to see some of the family photo albums. She wants to take them to make some copies. Anyway, found a birthday card that H gave me, not sure if it was last years or a couple of years ago. It made me cry and I was doing so good...
Being married to you is the best thing in my world I know you will always be by my side I know you will be there to enjoy life with me, take care of me and to love me completely without question.
Life and Marraige aren't always easy but in my heart I know that marrying you was the most wonderful thing I ever did. I love you-H
Whatever....so...gotta quit looking at stuff like that!
Yeah LR..unfortunately, right now, the only person H has is OW. He has shut everyone else out.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
