Dusk at Dawn.

[avermont]

How did this go, CB?

I have been thinking about you.

Be well.

[chatterbug]

Thanks Aver.
She did not go. She sent an email that afternoon to myself and my friend the groom and said that something came up and had two tickets to sell if we could sell them. So groom and I went to the show with no distractions. Good show. Not much more to add as its alls quiet on the western front. Went out with niece last night and asked her about the bump in. She laughed and said they went shopping and what was the odds and that was that. Not a thing about ladybug was spoken again. She was rather reserved and quiet. Not like her normal self. But I chalk that up to being up since 5:30 and not sleeping well due to dealing with grief over the death of her grandfather.

All in all.... Very quiet in the land of the cutter bug.

I need a break anyways

[newmama]

How do youfeel about having contact with ladybug now...I mean she is allowed to email you or call you directly now, right? So is that weird? How are you feeling about just still talking/seeing her now that you are separated?

[chatterbug]

How do youfeel about having contact with ladybug now...I mean she is allowed to email you or call you directly now, right? So is that weird? How are you feeling about just still talking/seeing her now that you are separated?

So newmama. How did you know this was what was on my mind all this week?

I have spent a bit of time here on this thought.

And it is one that requires a detailed answer. Which I will write out later.

I had to save her today with the wedding party. She called crying and said she needed to vent over some issues there and apologized for calling and venting. So I had to do some legwork for her with the wedding party. Which I said to her was ok. And that I would take care of it. Which I did. It was just a downpayment on a hall for a jack and jill.
Did I need to do this. No.
But I did anyways and I am wondering why I did. This is her mess she created. And here I am helping her out. Again this week.

I was asked this week if I am happy.
I replied. No. I am not happy I am surviving and getting by. But that I know will be alright.
I still have a little love ( as I mentioned earlier this week) for ladybug. And I have locked it away.
It hurts to think of the life she has picked. And I am guessing that a little part of me has not given up on her yet. And it hurts to know I can be completely done with her.

I find my thoughts very confusing. I am not in limbo. But I am moving. I do not understand exactly why I still love this woman. I do not understand exactly why I can live the rest of my life without her. Yet here I am helping her. And she does not deserve my help. I fear that she thinks we will become friends. For I do not want that. Civil and nice and thats that.

Cutter is confused.

[flowmom]

But I did anyways and I am wondering why I did. This is her mess she created. And here I am helping her out.

I fear that she thinks we will become friends. For I do not want that.

Contradictory?

[chatterbug]

Hi yes it is. I am confused with what is the high road and what is not. I would like some advice

Out of the funk. 4 days this one lasted....

[newmama]

Cutter, please take time to write out a detailed answer on your feelings! It will help you!

Ok here is the short answer to what is happening to you (IMO):

Detachment is going away...retachment is occuring due to the contact. You say you have tucked "a little love" aside. Cutter dahling, after 10 years of marriage it can't be "little!" What I mean is the love is stronger and more powerful than we realize due to the deep bond of attachment we establish with our spouses.

If you want to be done done, no more contact. IF you want to see what happens and believe you can date others while being her friend and WHEN she breaks up with the dr. she will look you up, consider that side too.

But the least painful path is one of AVOIDANCE. I know this 100%!

(((Cutterbug)))

[mindfull]

Newmama - I talked to Cutter in the alt this am... same thoughts!

Cutter!!! Us girls know things!

HUGS

[g450]

If I was in Cutters Sitch I would be very confused.

He still loves her IIRC as I do my XW but like me an OM is a dealbreaker.

OTOH I know that in reconciliation you have to have 1)Respect and 2)a frienship at first.

Mind you that that Cutter is light years ahead of me in his sitch as I am still a mess and a noob so I really have nothing to offer anyone.

I just wonder when it is appropriate and beneficial for R to become friends and when its not. That's the $65,000 question.

[newmama]

oops I didn't mean to imply that you would need to stay in contact with her in order for her to come back to you...

And I don't mean to "encourage" the thought...it just is something I never stopped believing would happen.