W called me and said "Since we are still technically married, can I get on your health insurance since it will save me money and I will pay the premium difference?"
If she is going to D me, why does she want to be on my health insurance? How long would she want to be on it for? I am a bit perplexed by that request. If she isn't going to play the married part, why does she want the married benefit?
I will answer yall's other questions in a bit.
Kevin
What's confusing you? This is self explanatory. I don't get what you are asking us...I mean, do you actually think this is a relationship question? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Give a rest, guys. So he didn't answer you right away. You sound like some bullies on the playground.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Nope this has nothing to do with the M, okay? Zero...sorry but in my opinion it is what it is; about health insurance and a way for her to save money. Period!! You have nothing to gain at all, by seeing hope about the M in this sitch. Maybe other things, but NOT This one...so leave that alone and stop spinning on it as far as the M issues....
But here's the deal. On one hand, she's asking you to do something that costs you nothing, right? And it's something she was not willing to do for you in similar circumstances recently? Okay- so why isn't this an opportunity to show her a difference between you two? AMONG OTHER THINGS...
I mean, it would mean that if she div you, she'll have to consider that this ONE thing will be something she loses...And she is technically right, you are legally m...Furthermore, if you refuse, she'll make you look punitive or worse.
Frankly, many of the people here who suggest you NOT cover her, even at HER expense, are more or less saying to punish her, "teach her a lesson" and that's easily interpreted as being punitive... b/c hell, it iS. But Some will rightly & understandably argue that it's a "boundary issue" of not letting her "cakewalk", and they do have a point. But I'd still ask, "What's it costing you to cover her, AND what's it costing you not to?"
IF you do allow her coverage, what if you made a point? What if you said OR WROTE something like this:(just write this OR LESS...)
"W, let me see if I have this right. You want me to leave you on the health ins policy b/c it'll save you money, and not cost me anything? That sounds like a reasonable idea and I think it's fine... but just so we're clear..., This is something you did NOT do for me in nearly identical circumstances with the insurance AND you neglected to even inform me of this, let alone give me a chance to pay. I drive every day and sometimes I drive with the girls so they were at increased risk of uncovered injuries too. You also turned down a job with benefits recently so you could earn more, which was your perogative of course. But I think that choice would have been mocked if I had made it and I know neither one of us likes double standards. SO sure, YES, I'll leave you on the policy b/c it is a reasonable thing to do while we are still M, but I hope you remember this next time you want to paint me as being anything negative, b/c I am doing my best under difficult circumstances...and from now on, I hope I can count on you being the same way for me..."
Just an idea. I mean let's face it;in some ways this is a lose lose: if you don't cover her, she'll make you out to be the bad guy who has anger issues and tantrums and you won't come out ahead. If you roll over and just meakly let her get the coverage so you won't make waves, you'll look weak, not heroic.
BUT if you do it right, you cover her, & give her something to lose in a div, AND you word it in a way that SHOWS you know she did you wrong, but you aren't doing a tit for tat reaction, and you are clearly demonstrating the difference between her behavior and yours, and yours is the higher road which is to be admired...and respected....
(K4, if you get long winded here, like I am in written form, you will dilute the effect. This is sort of a "thing speaks for itself" once it's pointed out. So once you make the point about her behavior vs your present choice, be done. I am only elaborating here for you to have different ways of making the point...make sense? Seems to me to be the only way to "win" a bit here.
Be gallant about it without looking for applause and have NO expecations.ZERO!! Don't wait around for a response. Let her sit on it and stew and come to the conclusion you may have a point. But do not wait for that response. Do NOT...and If she's rude, pull it out.
But if she's quiet, fine!! That means she's thinking...or at least holding her tongue. She's a proud woman so don't expect anything okay? But she'll know you did a good thing that she didn't do for you and she DID risk your kids and for what??... that speaks for itself. Good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I vote to put her on your insurance. I kept my W on my insurance while we were processing the D and some of that cost came out of my pocket. When you start haggling over monetary issues, the marriage is much more doomed to fail.
