ok, respect your need to protect your vulnerability. That's probably a good thing if you really depend on him and he acts weird - you would be doubly devastated. You don't need that when you are grieving your dear pet.
As for the dismissal, I am getting it now - if they are too scared (hurt whatever Dr. Phil said) to be vulnerable with their feelings toward you, they wont' want to open up with any feelings at all with you. Even grief. Weird. They aren't called walls for nothing. The real person is hiding in there, we can't see, hear, or touch them in any way. If you tell a wall you are putting your cat down, the wall says nothing and just stands there.
And yea, I think everyone on these boards would agree that once the WAS breaks their marital vows, the trust will never totally return. It's a battle scar we all carry. I must say I'm wrestling with that one myself tonight. Yes, I understand H is fearful. The other side of me says "Oh boo hoo, I am too, but I'm not giving up on my M vows!!!!"
