No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[25yearsmlc]

It means not every comparison between you and OM will be one you lose. On the contrary, you'll win out mostly, based on the crazy stuff he's done I'd have to say you're already making headway. And as I said, soon it'll be a moot point anyhow. (He must be a bit older too.)

I just about totally disagree with hope4's approach with his w's "A"/EA/PA and that's assuming way more about your w than you know (ie that she had the same type of A as his wife). Nor do I think much of that approach, if any, is from DB so please think long and hard before you expose your w's behavior to others, let alone involving your children in that exposure (which seems totally punitive ) b/c even if it "worked" for them and even if they work out long term, I'd say that w might have come around anyhow or maybe they have the unusual sitch where she needed her h to stand up and draw a line, or maybe she doesn't mind the shaming or even thinks she deserves it... but it is NOT a DB approach or in alignment with any MC's I've met or known and can do so much damage and make you look so petty and vindictive, that she'd be able to justify the R with OM b/c you're such a jerk as evidenced by your involving so many others. As for involving your kids at their ages....well, Wow, I'm so stunned I just am strongly oppposed to that.

His telling you all this is one person's version of their experience, and projecting it onto you as a course of action probably isn't such a great idea. No, I'm not projecting mine onto you b/c we all know my sitch is nothing like yours as far as a 3rd party, and we didn't have the same issues. But I once nearly had an A and if my h had exposed the "almost A" (which he did not know about) or if he involved my children or tried to punish or shame me into staying with him I'm pretty sure I'd have left him or at least deeply deeply resented him for cornering me. It doesn't seem to come from a place of love
and in the end, that's what would have mattered the most to me.

More important, I'm very much a supporter of MWD's approach and don't get why people who oppose HER approach post here. They can post on other M sites, or write their own books...but to come here and hand out advice based on "this worked for me"...and not even present it that way but act as if it's part of this place's philosophy...nope. I disagree.

Anyhow, back to you, let me say that one size doesn't fit all. And yes, it's probably a sign if you are praying, opening your heart to His signs and you get one...hmmm, yep. And besides, don't put yourself in limbo too. Isn't one person being there enough? Would it really be fair to a new woman to say you're half available? And there's also the issue of ruining whatever chance there may be, of proving your commitment to your w.

Now that does not mean you wait around forever. I hear you. Maybe an internal "deadline" for you to know that at some defined point in the future, this will end one way or the other...might not be a bad idea. MWD discusses this b/c after all, we are all human. Not all M's can be saved....

Yes it takes two people to make a M work...but now and then, it only takes one to end a M...if it happens though, you'll be alright and you now know that. As for the cool woman you met already , be mindful that sometimes they can be like OPs in that they look REALLY good when our own spouses are at their worst. Not necessarily accurate though.

How long do you think you can hang in there at this rate? Did your w say anything about a recon in the past? If so, what?
j-