flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

In an earlier thread, you talked about wanting to go to a jazz club with a male friend, while leaving the responsibility for whether his wife felt comfortable with this completely in his hands. From what I read, this is not an acceptable boundary--if a woman wishes to befriend a MARRIED man (or a man to befriend a married woman), she needs to show respect for that person's partner by including her in the relationship as well.

This is tricky because I was friends with this man before he even met his wife. Then I met her once about 10 years ago, and I don't even remember her name or what she looks like. Now, I don't even know if he's married, and if he is I have no way of contacting her. My friend doesn't have R status on his FB page. I haven't "included" her, because I wasn't the one who suggested going out to catch up...it was my friend. I really don't see a way of "including" her that wouldn't seem really wierd and awkward for everyone involved, since she and I don't know one another at all. Among my friends, opposite-sex friendships from before a R are considered innocent until proven guilty. I think I set a boundary with my friend in how I worded things, and I could tell from his wording that he understood that I was interested in a friendly get-together and nothing more. I understand the concern, but in my experience long-term male female friendships can remain platonic on a long-term basis, even if there isn't a close friendship with spouse(s).