every time she lashes out at you, and you handle it without lashing back, a positive deposit is made.
Yeah - in general I've recognized that I need to be better about it. Today I didn't really have a chance to speak - but I acknowledge, she's right in that, gotta take care of money and bills, so I plunked the money in the account.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
Funny though...the cycle IS pretty predictable, and even you are realizing it now.
Yeah. Push-pull. Has been going on since the first of the year at least. This was new behavior though - but she's really having intense feelings. Well, no other choice than see what the next moment brings.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
When you handle these situations with calmness, truth, not wussing out and giving in but also not trading tit for tat, it sends the message that you have you squared away. And it says that you are doing that thing that the WAS so often NEEDS to see (though they will never, until the very end, tell us they need) - the LBS remaining the rock in the relationship.
I certainly hope so.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
Isn't it odd how you can be the soothing voice when she is messed up inside? You can't convince me that there is not positive in that.
Yeah - it's a hallmark of our relationship though - and I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, in that she recognizes that she's got some level of dependency on me, and wants to break that. I think it's upsetting to her that, I'm still the one person that knows her best and can do that for her.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
You sound strong. That's awesome.
Yeah, I'm doing OK today. The phone call did shake me a little, but I got up and did my job today without problem.
I still want to call her, but I think it's out of a sense of not wanting to leave this unresolved. Probably to some degree to make sure she's OK; but now that I type that there's a part of me that really just doesn't want to deal with her right now... what if she DID call the lawyer, I don't want to worry about it tonight. Crap, I'm tired.
Will probably call in the morning to talk about the Cub Scout thing. I have a sneaking suspicion that she took the boys to her mother's tonight - they had a half-day at school, and she's been talking about the feeling she has of wanting to crawl up into a ball and escape.
So I guess my plan is to eat a late dinner, read, and go to bed. Kind of feel a little lonely, but nothing too big. Yeah, I guess I'm strong today - not struggling to cope or anything.
I'm thinking about, if we were to come back together, she would see it as a compromise. Plus, I fear that she's always going to be miserable. Maybe thoughts for another day. Maybe the "I don't know if this is the relationship I want" is a momentary thing - can be changed with work, therapy, what have ya.
