Catching up on your stich....very interesting and screams MLC. Definitely for your husband and I would say it almost sounds like you have tinkered on the edge yourself. I don't come to this board to often since I float around with the MLC weirdo's......I do have to give the disclaimer about MLC LBS's...we do thing differently
From your accounts of your tax meeting...it sounds like your husband was setting the whole fight up. You initially set boundaries and controlled the situation......but his continued prolongation of the day seemed very controlling. Almost like he wanted the fight to happen so he would have vindication for his actions.
As far as the affair...unless you live in a state that has tort laws regarding infidelity....let it go. If you think there is another woman...there probably is. Knowing for a fact will not change things for you or the situation....it will only cause pain. With your H in deep MLC, which I feel he is, he needs to find his own way...you can't help and you need to give him what he wants...that is space.
The good part about MLC...you get to find your way with out the confusion or carnage.
