Too Late For Us?

[mrbt]

I had a divorce busting coaching session this afternoon. It went very well. It wasn't new information but talking one-on-one with someone helps. Having someone (a live voice) on my team felt good.

The advice I received was as follows (paraphrased of course ) . . .

Continue with GAL activities and become less available than you are currently.

Make the most of opportunities for positive interaction. Be upbeat and positive. Its important to avoid the heaviness (apparently heaviness was evident in my voice) - look for opportunities for laughter.

I asked about staying put or moving home, and whether or not to furnish the apartment. I was advised to furnish the apartment. Make it look as if you are ready to move on (even if you don't feel ready to move on). Basically, do what I would do if I were newly single and moving on.

I talked about how sometimes things feel like they are going well and then suddenly she starts tinkering with the divorce bomb. The coach pointed out that when a WAW spouse feels like she is letting her guard down, she will often get cold feet and put up her defenses again. Thinking back on recent events, it seems this is what has happened.

I also talked about how her actions (often warm and caring) do not match her words ( "I have no feelings for you" ). The coach said "trust the actions more than the words" and "her mind is sometimes in a fantasy land."

The coach didn't feel it was important to snoop for proof of communication with the OM. This knowledge wouldn't change my strategy and what I found could make it more difficult to carry out.

Any thoughts?