Your husband's words to his friend sounded more like a cry for help than a commitment to divorce... He just sounded sad and was prompting for something positive... at least that's what it sounded like to me...
I would have sat the fella down adn gave him a stern talk about what it means to be a husband and a father, and how proud he should be... and how committed... marriage isn't easy... he needs to learn there is hope and a marriage waiting for him... I think you have made that clear to him though...
Give it time, I suspect he will be attempting contact again soon... at that time, have your friend send him the standard position as before :
She wants her marriage, she wants her family, but she will NOT accept you contacting that OW at any time. Once you have made a commitment and promise to your wife to END CONTACT with this woman then your wife would very much like to see you again...
Something like that... consistently and repetitively sent his way...
