No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[Hope4us]

Ok. I did get a chance to read that part. Just not the rest. I thought you handled it quite well by the way.

If you still want to save your marriage, my personal feeling is that you're going to have to wait for another period of time AFTER OM retires before you'll see any changes.

From what I have read, your W sounds like she's in limbo hell. She sees/talks to/works with OM and even if the A is over, she still is getting those love chemical shots every time she has any contact with him at all. I saw it in my W. OM dumped her as soon as I exposed to his W. He already had a new GF in his new city after he moved but was still getting together with my W when he didn't have plans with the new GF (I confirmed this through various means). Then after I got ahold of OMW, OM dumped my W in a minute. But my W still hung on to the idea that he would be there for her when she divorced me and they were still in contact by IM/email while at work until.....

My telling the kids what was going on when I was preparing to file for D was what finally ended contact between her and OM. And like I said, it took probably a year before I saw real changes in her.

Now, after almost 2 years of NC, my W is back to herself. She's said to me now that she realizes she didn't love OM, but that he was giving her what she needed at the time (that I wasn't due to crazy work stuff, travel, long hours, etc) and it was intoxicating.

If I was you and you still want to try (which it seems like you do), I would give her all the space in the world. I got to a point where I detached enough from the situation while still being loving and doing fun things with W when she accepted my offers and if she wasn't interested I did them anyway. That gave her the time to figure it out without pressure from me. And she's told me recently that she loves me more than ever because I did let her make that decision on her own without any pressure.

Was it hard? Hell yes. And if you read some of my old threads you'd never know it because I was all over the place. But looking back now in retrospect, that space and no pressure was what she needed.

I can't promise it'll work with you guys, but I could almost guarantee that it'll be a number of months after OM retires before you'll see her begin to change. And that's only if there's NC even after he retires.

Good Luck.