how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

thanks for posting that, pearl. i have indeed read and reread DR and am familiar with the steps Michele listed in that chapter. i'm trying to incorporate all those steps with things i've noticed that have gotten positive responses or that have been working for me. i believe someone posted much earlier on my thread that since every situation and person is different that all the advice received here, and even in the DR, should be tailored to fit your specific situation. i know my H would not respond in a positive way to all the things on that list, so i'm doing what works for me and when something doesn't work and i get negative feedback, i stop doing it. i definitely feel like i'm in a holding pattern right now. i think my H is interested in working on our marriage but feels he has a lot of work to do on himself before he can dedicate himself to us. so i'm just testing the waters from time to time.

i am responsive in a cautious way. if he reaches out to me to vent during the work day, i respond by saying i'm sorry about the situation and try to validate what he's feeling. i know i don't have detachment down just yet, but i'm trying. DB-ing is like yoga or running, you have to keep at your practice and sometimes you skip a few days and it gets harder to get back into it.

i write in my journal. i do not cry in front of my H. i am not 100% or 80% or even 60% sure that my H is interested in saving our marriage. i am willing to wait things out and work on improving myself in the mean time, and i'm actually in a good (most of the time) place right now.

although i do think the DR book is great and incredible insightful, not all of the steps or all of the "rules" apply to everyone's situation. the best i can do is be patient, wait and watch to see what he responds to, and continue on my path to self-improvement. already i can say i like myself SO MUCH BETTER. i am proud of the way i've handled things. i've been patient and calm and understanding at a time where i wanted to be angry and vengeful and outraged. i've had to reach deep within myself to find the strength to overcome those feelings that i knew would get me nowhere. i'm not saying i don't have my bad days, or that i don't backslide, or cry into my pillow some nights. i'm willing to do the work, because while i may not be seeing the immediate results i want to see with my M, i'm seeing immediate results in myself that i'm very happy about.