how do i keep my hope alive?

[pearlharbr]

The Last-Resort Technique, Step 3--Wait and Watch, pp 129-130

The second possible resonse from your mate is that s/he becomes curious. S/he might start showing more interest in you, your whereabouts, and what you are up to in your life. Your spouse might even suggest you spend soome time together to talk or do something enjoyable. It's also possible that your souse might start asking you a lot of questions about your sudden changes. If any of these things begin to happen, here's my advice:

• Be loving in return, but not overly excited or enthusiastic.
  
• Accept some invitations to spend time together, but not all.
  
• Do not ask any questions about your future together.
• Be vague when asked questions about the changes in you. Say that you are just thinking things through.
  
• Continue to be upbeat.
  
• Do not say, "I love you."
  
• Resist getting into conversations about your marriage.
  
• Beat your spouse to the punch when it comes time to leave or separate from each other at the end of an activity. You set the tone for going your separate ways.
  

The general rule of thumb here is to be responsive to your partner's new interest, but not too responsive. If you go overboard, your partner will get cold feet. I've seen it happen many times before. If you are excited that the last-resort technique is working, share it with a friend, write it in your Solution Journal, go for a run around the block, but don't wear your emotions on your sleeve.

You need to stay interested, but cool, until you are absolutely convinced that your spouse's renewed interest in saving your marriage has taken hold. Once you feel absolutely sure that this is so, you can test the waters by becoming more obvious about your desire to stay together. You can try discussing your future together and see what happens. If your spouse is receptive, you can continue to move forward slowly and begin to tackle the issues that drove you apart in the first place. If, on the other hand, you're met with reluctance, backpedal just as quickly as you can. Resume your interested but distant stance until things move in a more positive direction. This might take a whole lot longer than you would like, weeks, even many months. However, you must be patient. As long as your spouse seems to be somewhat interested rather than pulling away, it's okay for your marriage to be in a holding pattern. It will try your patience, but what else do you have to do right now that could be as important as trying to save your marriage? Be patient.