Well, not as good of a night, the roller coaster continued and I didn't see it coming.Ok dont beat yourself up breathe for a starter
Day started fine - little contact, nothing initiated by me, at work, all work related stuff. W goes home, I get ready for function and W starts TMing me on her drive home. Not normal, I notice. I get to function and W is TMing a lot at function. I am answering every second or third one after slight delays. She seems real interested in what is going on and how things are going. I of course tell her its great and I'm having a good time. As I'm driving home, another TM asking if the function was over and I was headed back yet...i said yes. I'd say spoilt brat alert, H went out to play after a nice weekend with W and left her behind[color:#3366FF][/color]
Get home and didn't see the foul mood coming at all. W in real bad mood and I quickly see, it is also being directed at me. So I call her on it, ask why the bad mood and I get an answer that it is because her laptop keeps on dropping its internet connection. She is blaming it on our router which then translates into my fault since I bought the new router a few months ago. I tell her we can change the router back, she needs to talk to me, she doesn't need to be cold, mean, and nasty. Normally calling her out on this snaps her out of it...not so. An hour or so later, I try again. I can tell there is something else. There was your mistake you called her out that was good, but you kept picking at the spot, next time leave her alone, you stated her behaviour was unacceptable then continued on by nagging at her, enforcing her WAS boundariesI ask her if she plans on telling me why she is in such bad mood. She says she's fine, and I don't let her get away with that, I ask then why am I getting treated poorly. I have done nothing to deserve to be treated this way. Again. she claims its the internet.Right she told you twice and you still didnt listen, back you go into bat again its no wonder she hit you with it mate
So now I try something different. I give her basically the same attitude and treatment back. That doesn't do anything so I head up to bed, take a sleeping pill, try to go to sleep. No luck, still trying to figure out what is going on. DETACH DETACH DETACH Its not your problem its hers, leave her to figure out if she is being ar*sy or has a proper point
At about 1 AM W comes into bedroom, I still haven't gone to sleep, so I try one more time. As W if she is going to tell me what is really causing her to be so bi$%thcy. She again talks about the internet and I say that not having an internet connection is no reason to get upset and treat people like crap. She tells me to stop, I ask why, she says I am starting to yell at her. At this point she has now given you four attempts to back off and youre still going, how would you feel being badgered into a corner and by this time of night you sure as h*ll wouldnt get nothing too polite outta me pre DB lol That was not true, but there must have been something in my tone of voice, so I make sure that I am calm and talk to her again. I told her that I don't deserve to be treated the way I was tonight. Her reply was you're right, "no one deserves to be treated that way." Then she finally tells me what is bothering her. It is the e-mail I sent her telling her what our options were for the next ski trip we had talked about and that we needed to decide pretty quick to make reservations. Huh, didn't see that one coming. Didn't understand why that pissed her off, told her so, didn't get a real answer. So I said look we've been getting along well, I didn't expect to come home to this attitude, what is going on. Ok she is panicking that a pleasant weekend has given you ideas and she is still not sure she doesnt want you but on the other hand isnt sure she does
Her answer was borderline R talk. She says we always get along well as friends (I wouldn't agree with that but didn't say anything), we have converstations about work, the kids, and day-to-day stuff, so us getting along is nothing new. But there are no deep conversations. W says "I don't have deep converstations with anyone." I ask her to define deep converstations and she used words like emotions, future plans, feelings. I say to her that you don't want to have those types of conversations so we stay away from them, correct. W's reply was that she has no connection with me so no she doesn't want to have deep conversations with me. I just let that one hang, no response. Ok time now to see what works, she says she has lost contact with you because you dont ahve the deep conversations she said she didnt want, try some out this week, not deep but more connection if you can I then debate asking one more question and decide to ask it because I want to know. One thing the W had told she was trying to look up on the internet was apartments for a subordinate since she was having to move out of where she is living. I found it very strange that my W would feel she needs to help this person find somewhere to live...this is another grown woman. So I ask are you planning on moving in with this other woman. W surprised by that question. Tells me no, tells me she wouldn't just move out without talking to me about it, and that there is no way she would ever want to move in with this woman. She then asks me if I thought she was lieing about looking at apartments for this other gal. I said no. W asks not even a little. I said no, I dind't think you were lieing, I thought it was strange that you felt it necessary to try to help this person find a place.Ok panic set in and you let your nose get the better of you! Get back to if she goes she goes, nothing you can do about it, but you can deal with it, remind yourself of what you have managed over the last few months
This morning, I try to snap out of the funk as soon as I can, hard given only 3.5 hours of sleep. Good man cant say I'd be so charitable on three and half hours sleep (())I brought up the ski trip e-mail again, explain that I only sent it because I wasn't going to be home to discuss and wanted to give her time to think about it. She says she is worried about selling our house for our move, and that it isn't ready and she doesn't know if we should be taking trips. I said ok, I understand that, do you want to just take the time off and work on the house. She says no. HUH?!!? Then she asks me what I would like to do. So I tell her that I would like to get away for at least part of spring break, but it doesn't have to be skiing, but that I think the girls would love it again and we have to decide quickly because everything is getting booked quickly. Explanation clear and to the point, remember its her that is panicking and her emotions are getting rattled
I then tell her that I will call the realtor today. In hindsight, that might be a mistake. That might be me fixing things. But it is the realm of things I normally handle. You said it dont fix things, I know how hard it is to keep your fingers out the pie as Im a fixer too
Thoughts? Advice? 2x4s? Encouragement?
Right you have rattled her cage, step away and back of her, give her space to work it out herself, stop trying to get answers and fix things you CANT
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
