Kalni, birthdays, valentine days...a lot of Hs botch those and truly are clueless about the hurt that results. Remember that a lot of happily married women are still nursing Valentine wounds! Ask my sister...
Really the key is to let go of expectations associated with specific dates. I find it hard because I find calendar events meaningful...a reminder to celebrate. But many men feel "manipulated" -- as if the calendar is pressuring them or putting them on the spot.
FWIW, I think it might be a good thing that your H will be away on your birthday. It sets your expectations to zero, and frees you to create the best birthday that you can.
I make a fuss over my kids' birthdays. I plan, plan, plan and bring a lot of creativity and fun (not money) to making it special for them. They love it! I wish I had someone to do that for me, but as an adult, that doesn't happen.
Originally Posted By: Kalni
He cant take me out for lunch and dancing and so on. That's what I want for my birthday. To dress up, look good, go for dinner, dancing with friends... That's what I would like.
And you can make that happen. My birthday is 3 days after yours and I've made plans with 3 friends to go out to dinner and listen to jazz. I'm going to look sexy, I'm going to have fun, I'm going to have my friends make a fuss over me, and I'm going to do something that I haven't done in years. Your birthday is your day and no one can take that away from you. I challenge you to plan a birthday for you, with all the energy and love that a doting mother would devote to doing that for her child.
Last edited by flowmom; 02/19/1004:18 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
