Am I stupid?

[dday101798]

Sorry if it felt like a "punch in the gut", but, yes, I can be brutaly honest at times and where the phrase is to swing a 2x4 here, when I see someone going through what I did, I swin ga 4x4.

Bottom line is, you say OM doesn't get to you NOW, but I assure, the more he meddles inbetween you and your children, it will consume you, and it will drive you to points you never imagined yourself in.

I have the unfortunate job of working graves and also not getting weekends off.

That is a valid "reason" for her walking, desolation. Albeit unintentioinal, a reason none the less. Let me ask this: When I did the same years ago, worked rotating shifts, overnights and weekends, my (x)W was initially upset that we had no time together, hence, felt desolated. She asked me to take a day a shift off, but I couldn't as we were struggling to make ends meet and a lot of bills for our son's medical needs. This created our first batch of problems that plagued our marriage for another 8 years until it fell apart all together.

Does that at all sound familiar?

I'm certain there has to be other contributing factors on your behalf. Not blaming you, but the reality is, we all share a 50% blame in things. One of which is a common place in just about every single situation you'll ever find here: loss of communication.

The other things, in my sitch, took me a long time to realize. I was bound and determined when my (x)W left, that I did this wrong and I did that wrong and that was it. Honestly, almost 2 years later, I'm STILL realizing things I did wrong. Of course, having a second chance and not wanting to blow it, makes you walk a fine line not to fall into old habits.

Again, these things I'm still learning about myself, after all this TIME I'm still finding contributed to creating my WAW. Does that mean I have all the blame, heck no. Does it make what she did right? Oh hell no. But it does help make me understand, after all that TIME (about 2 years) I wasn't tending to my (x)W's needs: loss of her mother, loss of our daughter, financial responsibilities, kids, etc.. while I shut down on my own after she turned to her friends and the party life, I can understand, accept and forgive her for her choice. And commend her for now knowing it wasn't the right choice.

Still learning, with TIME.