This is THE defining point in your marriage. Like BC/AD, there would be "before retro" and "after retro". In terms of forgiveness in particular. Forgiveness is a choice. Love is a decision.
My take-away was that, during that weekend, I chose to forgive my Husband for all the hurt he caused me and damage he inflicted on our marriage. That includes reasonable hurts (infidelity) and some things that are basically personality differences (he takes forever in the shower and it drives me crazy) that don't really require 'forgiveness' per se, but a letting go of our own sense of being 'wronged'.
I felt that the forgiveness was much more for me than it was my spouse, really. It allowed me to be free of thoughts that ate up my days and only hurt me. I mean honestly, if I am wallowing in self-pity all afternoon re-imagining my H with his OW, who is really hurting? Me, not him! But I digress...
The segment on forgiveness said, to me, that from this point on, the past is the past. I am not going to dwell on it, pester my husband about it, throw it in his face, etc etc.
Sometimes I think people (me included) keep the infidelity or other wrong of our spouse as a trump card. Then whenever I am losing an argument with him or feel threatened for whatever reason, I can break out the trump card, "Yeah? Well the house may not be spotless but at least I wasn't out sleeping with someone!"
The whole 'blank slate' philosophy comes to mind. We were 'shaking the etch-a-sketch' of our marriage up to that point. Not saying it was ok to commit the same transgressions going forward. Not at all. But saying we were letting go of all the old ones because they prevented us from DECIDING to love the other person freely, without that worry creeping into the back of our minds.
I would say that is when I knew my M was probably not salvageable. There was a question asked, "Do you choose to forgive your spouse?" My H said, "I don't know if I can." A later question was "DO you accept your spouse as they are?" Again he said, "I don't know if I can."
Anyway back to the point, the forgiveness is IMO to free yourself from carrying the burden of resentment, anger, and self-pity, all of which stand between you and true intimacy with your spouse.
