It was like a switch as soon as we said our vows. He wooed me with flowers, gifts, romantic picnics, trips, etc. while dating. Once we were married, we moved back to his hometown (2hrs from mine) so that he could take over the fam business. He became a money hungry, controlling, manipulative, almost heartless man, immediately. He was back in his world where he was king. I knew no one, had no job, no family, nothing. He joined 2 baseball teams & a bowling league & left me home. When I cried to him he would yell & say, "what is wrong with you? why can't you just be happy here? do you need to see a counselor?"...NO jerk I just need my husband to be here for me...help me, love me, be home!
It's interesting how they change.
I still have cards, photos, long love-letters from my wife.
Right after we got together, she made the mistake of throwing some movie tickets (complete with date) into the trash. She went out a lot "with the girls" back then, but on that particular weekday she had seen a film she hadn't told me about.
She fessed up to the fact that she went "with a friend". Without too much trouble she admitted that they had been friends for years and had had sex, but "only once".
I remember that day very well. I told her that I loved her too much to share her, and that I was going to move out. She got frantic, sat on a chair in our kitchen and started sobbing, begging me not to go and apologizing.
I remember thinking that maybe it was just a mistake... everyone makes mistakes, and we hadn't been together that long. Obviously she was sorry. She clearly loved me. She was always leaving me notes. I've made mistakes too... etc. etc.
People would show up at the house at odd hours... really scroungy looking men. I'd answer the door and they'd obviously be embarrassed. Some would beg off saying they'd got the wrong house. Once I came home early from work and someone called for her at about the time she was supposed to be getting off -- while I was supposed to be gone. Nervous titters and refusal to leave a name. "I'll call back, sorry..."
After the movie episode she started being very secretive, but I felt that if I was going to have a relationship I should show her trust and unconditional acceptance. She'd freak if I looked in her purse (we both smoked, and she'd panic if I even got a cigarette). She'd go nuts if I looked in her car, etc. I married her, gave her a ring, figured that would end things. I trusted her. I let her go.
Fast forward two years:
The minute my wife got pregnant with our son, all romance ceased. She quit being my wife at that point. I was never invited along when she went out, unless it was to her mother's house where I was treated as some sort of pariah.
Once she had the baby, she started *hooking up* with her "old friends" (old sexual partners), they would call the house and a couple of times people showed up while she was "out" and I was home at night watching the rest of the family. When confronted she'd deny, then laugh and tell me I was imagining things, then apologize and cry and tell me that I was stressing her out. She didn't have sex with me for about 18 months, during which time I'd find really nasty lingerie hidden in a box in our garage, receipts for things in the garbage, torn to pieces just large enough to give hints.
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It just got worse & worse from there. He isolated me & would give the silent treatment for days. We would have HUGE nasty fights & he'd leave, come back the next morning & kiss me like nothing happened. "I'm over it so you need to get over it too." We never talked about anything! It was insanity. He was cold & almost heartless. No emotion. Our marriage was a business. It looks good, it is good, shut up, was his attitude. No one had a clue there were problems bc he played the perfect husband-perfect marriage part so well...
My wife and your husband would get along famously. There's a love connection in the works here, I just feel it. This is her game. I've gone dark now since Sunday morning and she's feeling like things will be back to normal soon. She thinks I'm about to cave.
I'm going to check out apartments this weekend.
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
