What should I do?

[ericmsant2]

Kerry - I read the thread and found it quite interesting. As I've had some time to think about confronting W - here are my views.

Background - I already confronted her about the 1st EA (a married family friend in another state). It did me no good. I got the typical, we are just friend, etc. speach. When I pushed hard and said that i knew and UNDERSTOOD that is was an EA and that I was partly (not completly) to blame - she confessed that it was an EA. I asked her if she loved him and she said she was not sure but that she knew he could not give her what she needed. She also went on to say that she had nothing to offer him. Both point to issues SHE has with her self worth. The next day we ML several times. It had been the first time, since the bomb. I, as everyone could have forseen - interpreted this as "she back" and pressed harder to have her end the A. She said she did not have to since nothing was going on (interesting this after the day she acknowledged it was a EA). I lost it, and said she needed to stop this or I would call his wife. Her response (I'll never forget it) was ..."I;ll stop because I don't want to hurt HIM". That line made me so pissed that I actually logged on and started downloading the divorce doc, which is when she said..."what r u quitting already". Talk about freaking confusing. So confronting here did not help. Okay on to the current....

This new EA (it may be a PA but who knows - I would like to keep the good memories of my S so I try and think that she will not cross that line. I keep these thoughts for me not for her.) is not worth confronting in my opinion. Why? First off, I would have to admit that in the past I was a controlling jealous husband, so by confronting her now I would only be acknowledging that I am still controling and jealous (although I am working hard to stop these habits). Why? The only reason I know about the new EA is by checking her phone, which I can now honestly say is controling.

Also, if I confront now, I would be handing her back the power to control my emotions and right now that is not a good thing for me or my kids. You see, I have come to realize that if she is going to want to be with me, that is a choice that she will make based on the man that I am becoming not based on her r with the OM or her other needs i.e. for the kids, finances, etc. You see I know now that I want her to want me for ME. Yes, it hurts to think that I may loose her but I would rather be truly loved that have someone living with me going thru the motions.

In closing, my opinion is.....I can agree with the approach of confronting in some cases but the reality is that it probably does no good in the long run. Then again guys I'm still a newbie at this.

Okay I've rambled enough for one morning.

BTW - good morning everyone. Had a very nice chat with someone last night - Although they do not want to hear it..err...read it...Thx's.