My wife has a DB force field

[Bworl]

Unless your law is REALLY different than what I experienced, it should be possible for you and your wife to decide upon the settlement terms of either a divorce or a legal separation.

I was divorced without the use of a lawyer or mediator. My ex and I discussed the terms of our dissolution, got some sample forms from our local courthouse, and WE decided on what terms the marriage would end.

Of course this only works if the two of you get along reasonably well and can manage to agree on those terms.

Should you actually get to that point, it's worth checking out. I think, in general, if the two of you put together a comprehensive settlement agreement that a judge could look at and see that all bases are covered, he/she would be inclined to agree to what the two of you have agreed to.

That being said, I will tell you that I agree completely with what Snodderly has told you.


Number one is that "changes" you have made are not supposed to be designed to win your marriage back. These are changes that you put into place because you've taken advantage of the time apart to do some introspection and found things that you knew you didn't like. They are changes that YOU want, changes that YOU need.

The fact that they can often cause our wandering spouse to consider us differently is just a sometimes benefit. We do these changes REGARDLESS of how they respond, because we know they need to be done.


Secondly, you have no idea what your spouse is thinking about what she has seen in you. Mind reading is a dangerous activity when you are dealing with a marriage in crisis. It keeps you defeated, and defeated people are NOT attractive.


Make this about you and for you. Let your wife deal with her issues in her way. Find happiness in the new you that you are becoming and find a way to weather the storm of the conflict between the two of you.


Drop the rope....maybe do some digging to find out what that means and how it might be something you need to work on.


Blessings,

Bill