CW what ever you want to do or say hang fire, infact if you do the usual 24/48hrs you will be at Sunday anyway just about. Can you email H about the what you want to say etc, then you can post it on here and we can check it out for you!
Huge hugs this is such a kick in the teeth and a cowardly way out, even the fact he has just (sorry) dumped the kids on you, this is sounding more MLC/WAS than before.
Well done for informing the pastor, if this OW is truely true to her faith she shouldnt be doing this, and maybe if her pastor gets involved she will back off and give you some more time.
You are in my prayers and thoughts!
Rabbit x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Like your H my XW was in a big hurry to D me and took the cowards way out. Could not get away from me fast enough. And yes it could be MLC. But only your H will know for sure. I beat myself up trying to figure out my xw so don't torture yourself with that. LR is a vet here and she could help you in DBing as she is one of the few success stories here.
Just read DB when you get a chance and strap in for a rough ride. This is going to test you emotionally.
It is painfull for me to read posts like yours because I know what you are going through now and I am still in pain myself. There is nothing worse than loving someone that doesnt love you anymore. Would not wish that on my worst enemy.
Hang on to family and friends, they will help you. And remember if all else fails, WE are here for you as well.
Last edited by g450; 02/19/1012:55 PM.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Hi LR-thanks for the hugs! Luckily, I am busy today with work and grandkids tonight and nieces birthday tomorrow so will help to keep my thoughts busy!
Unfortunately, H does not have access to email at this time. I sure hope he will in the future as I would think it'd be easier for communication during and after the D.
Am having some remorse right now at contacting OW's church. Haven't heard anything back yet and lol, I sure hope I emailed the right one!!!
The things I want to ask H-
Why divorce papers in the mail? Why couldn't you have talked with me and given me some kind of warning? We have been together for 17 years and I am not the one that caused issues in our M to deserve to be treated this way. I want to tell him that he lost any respect and credibility that I had left for him.
What is the hurry? Are you being pressured? (I simply can't imagine him jumping into another M right away, but a lot has happened that I didn't imagine)
What was with the kiss a couple of weeks ago? Were you testing to see if there was still any spark between us?
I want him to explain to me WHY he thinks his life will be so much better away from his family? He has not given me anything except "I don't knows" and I want to hear some reasons, hurtful or not. Truthful or not...I just want him to have to explain!
I want him to admit to the children that he loves someone else and that is why he is leaving. I have read conflicting things on this but I think they are old enough to know and they will figure it out here soon anyway when he starts bringing her around them. I want to throw up thinking about her being around my kids.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thankyou for your words g450. Unfortunatly, I have been doing DB for sometime now but didn't really start it the right way until my H left. I did all the wrong things in the beginning and was a doormat...big time.
I am sorry you are going through this too! I am so thankful to have this sight and for all of the people on here!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Hi LR-thanks for the hugs! Luckily, I am busy today with work and grandkids tonight and nieces birthday tomorrow so will help to keep my thoughts busy!
Well what ever happens now you need to know you are worth it and if your H doesnt see that well its his loss! Im pleased to hear you have things to occupy you and keep your mind off some of the painful things
Unfortunately, H does not have access to email at this time. I sure hope he will in the future as I would think it'd be easier for communication during and after the D.That is a pain but you could state for your peace of mind that you wish only to be contacted by email and give him an address, put in a letter so its as inpersonal as he is being
Am having some remorse right now at contacting OW's church. Haven't heard anything back yet and lol, I sure hope I emailed the right one!!!
The things I want to ask H-
Ok hard to hear because some of this you know its just hard to face on your own, but believe me hearing him say it wont make it any less painful
Why divorce papers in the mail? Why couldn't you have talked with me and given me some kind of warning? We have been together for 17 years and I am not the one that caused issues in our M to deserve to be treated this way. Right you dont need to ask this you know the answer why would you want him to rub it in your face! Divorce papers in the mail (hes too chicken to give them to you himself cos he knows what he is doing is wrong) Why after 17 years, (because he has shut down and stopped sharing his life with you, he is no longer M in his eyes) Painful bit! You are not the ones who caused the issues ( Sorry but you are as much to blame as him how ever you look at it, but only accept 50% of the blame and apportion the rest to him)
I want to tell him that he lost any respect and credibility that I had left for him. You dont need to tell him this he will find out soon enough
What is the hurry? Are you being pressured? (I simply can't imagine him jumping into another M right away, but a lot has happened that I didn't imagine) Hang on you didnt imagine him doing any of this and believe me neither did I, my H cant believe I thought so badly of him at times in his opinion, it was more that I was no longer surprised by his behaviour so no longer ruled things out. Even if he told you he was being pressurised would that give you a better opinion of him, no I dont think so, what poor ickle H is being bullied by OW so much he has left his W and kids and doesnt intend on behaving like a H/M anymore, now how do you feel about him?
What was with the kiss a couple of weeks ago? Were you testing to see if there was still any spark between us? Cake eating so dont let him do it anymore, you will not share him with any other woman end of subject, get your respect out and use it girl!
I want him to explain to me WHY he thinks his life will be so much better away from his family? He has not given me anything except "I don't knows" and I want to hear some reasons, hurtful or not. Truthful or not...I just want him to have to explain! Dont go there hun, you wont like what you hear, its all gonna be garbage, words from a man in la la land, in alien terroritory, as they say believe little of what they have said or even less of waht they have done
I want him to admit to the children that he loves someone else and that is why he is leaving. I have read conflicting things on this but I think they are old enough to know and they will figure it out here soon anyway when he starts bringing her around them. I want to throw up thinking about her being around my kids.Personally I think the kids are old enough to have an explanation from their dad, certainly make sure you are present so he doesnt try and pin blame on you, might be an idea to put a post out about how to handle this as it wasnt something I had to do!
Last what ever happens from now on in hun we are all around here even the other side of the world to stick by you and support you through this as best we can. Chin up you can do and come out the other side a better woman, just keep telling yourself its his loss and put your best foot forward. Last but not least although I agree you should let her pastor know who ever he might be, bet that made you feel daft emailing the wrong bloke lol!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
CW, if you followed my thread, you might remember my SIL's H divorced her promptly, left her devestated, they had a nasty divorce, then she met someone else and dated for awhile.1.5 years after he divorced her, he wanted her back. 3 years from the divorce, they are remarried.
You just never now but she wasn't doing DBing intentionally...just moved on! (but always still loved him)Their poor boys are probably so confused, but I wish their family the best!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
LR-thankyou! All my questions to H were all emotional and you are right..knowing the answers or hearing him validate will not help! Yes, I do feel daft..lol!
NM-my DIL's uncle and aunt divorced about 3 yrs ago and are on their way to reconciling! Is your sis's marraige better than ever?
Talked to L today and do feel a little better. Told her the emailing the wrong pastor story and laughed but advised me against finding the correct one and talking to him. She was not opposed, however, to writing an anonymous letter to OW's family in that they are all from this religion and may not know the whole story. My H is renting a house from her family.
In my state, all property/debts is 50/50. He has offered me full custody so the only thing that I can contest is that he thinks that our marraige is not fixable. This will buy me some time. We can ask that he take some counseling...believe me that will irritate him if he is forced to do that! He doesn't "believe" in that!
In the end, what will be, will be but it feels nice to at least have a little control. Am glad that I don't have to see him for a couple of days now!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Uh...not yet...she says it is very very difficult right now... but we all know reconciliation will not be easy!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Just journaling here while hopefully everyone is out galing!
My SIL came to take the kids to do something fun. She and I have not talked since DIL told her about her what her brother is doing to his family. She said she has tried calling him and texting him and he has not answered. She is also hurt and upset to be treated this way by him. I did not tell her about the D papers as I feel that my kids need to know first and I still want my H to own his decision to his family. She told me though that she felt I should D him as this is the second time he has done this and obviously doesn't care about the hurt he is causing.
I am not sitting here blubbering tonight! All of you that have given me words of encouragment I am so thankful for! I am prepared to go forward with this D. Yes, I do deserve better than what I have been getting but I am so sad for my kids and worry especially about my S14 who totally idolizes his Dad. I am more scared of being a single parent than I was of the cancer.
Things I will NOT miss about H-not in any particular order.
His moods, his impatience, his constant lies, his selfishness.
The list of things I will miss is a lot longer...will save that for another time!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
