Wii -You've been away for a while. It is interesting to see you working on feeling it. I was wondering how you were managing all that contact. But I also understand that some people can do. I know that I can't.
And about looking around at all the "intact" families - why do you think that some of them back off a little when we are hurting? They are afraid, too. But you can't live a life that way.
Be grateful for what you have, but not afraid that you can loose it at any moment.
I'm away. In Florida for a while. But wanted to check in with you.
What you are feeling is totally normal. It is part of the grieving, part of the process, part of your growth. I felt it too. It comes and goes in waves. Sometimes when you don't expect it at all. And you go through all the "What Ifs" and "How Could Yous" all over again. It takes time. A whole lot of time to get past it all.
It has been 8.5 years for me now. I'm on a different path. And I'm not living in regret anymore. It has taken a long, long time. No contact was the only thing that really worked for me. And I'm glad I have basically cut him out of my life. He was toxic to me. But then - none of us has the same ex or the same R.
It will pass. Sometimes you DO have to feel it. If you lock your feelings away - they can't heal. You need to air them out. Give them the energy they deserve from time to time then dust yourself off and go on.
I think the virus that lived with me for three and a half months knocked so much out of me. I felt really vulnerable because of it and I've had a real hard time regaining the energy I had previous to it. All the crap of the last seven years just kind of floated to the surface. I worked real hard at having a life, being a good father, being a good ex and didn't give the feelings the release they probably needed. Now, I'm exploring that stuff. It's not always a good idea to "change that thought" sometimes you need to respect the thoughts and the feelings both good and bad. I have to remember that I am human and it's understandable that I have some issues after what I've been through. I'm trying! Thanks for checking in on me SFO, DonnaFound, and Being ME. SFO I was up your way last weekend in St Catharines for a Gymastics meet. D12 survived the competition, that's the main thing! Great driving, no snow!
I finally have some free time in my life! It's been a long time since I did. Less frquent posting is a sure sign of growth. I used to post 10 times a day, and would often only be able to hang on until someone posted back to me. I've been here going on 4 years! Still not divorced, but I can't wait for it to be over. I think this board can sometimes be a double edge sword. It made me have unrealistic expectations to reconcile for a long time. Thank goodness that time indeed is a wonderful thing!
Glad you're doing well, FLTC! Don't ever think that the time you spent trying to save your marriage was a waste of time. I've always looked at it as the thing that allows me to look in the mirror each morning. When I face my maker I can honestly say I did everything I could to honour my vows, my spouse cannot but that's between her and our maker. While here I'll update everyone on my sitch. Last week I was diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome, which means my adrenals have gotten screwed up from the stress of the last seven years. I finally went to a Naturopath and she had me tested and it turned out my suspicion was correct. I've never been myself since I had that lengthy viral spell that lasted 3.5 months last summer. So, I've got a seven page renewal plan to work on now! The three week diet plan I'm on is a real joy...no sugar, no wheat, no dairy (unless it's goat based), no caffeine...I guess I can't even take communion unless the bread is made with brown rice The good news is that I have discovered that goat cheese really is good! The Naturopath told me to give this cleansing diet a chance but not to get stressed about it, do what I can or don't do it at all if I'd rather. So hopefully at some point in the future (hopefully the near future) I will start getting back some of my energy that I had previous to the virus. She says the virus was the last straw for my adrenals. I've got some lovely fish oil ($35 friggin dollars, there better not be any fish heads in it!) to take, a special Vitamin B complex, Probiotics, a herbal calming capsule, liquid magnesium and calcium (body absorbs it better than pills) and a Bach flower remedy. In three weeks she wants to do accupuncture on me...we'll think about it! Anyway, I am plugging along the best I can. Later Dbers.
This situation is awful. It is one of the biggest stressors anyone can imagine. I remember not sleeping for DAYS at a time and looking like a Bataan Death March survivor at best. It blo&s! Totally disfunctional. I didn't care if I lived or died, and on one night in March of 2006, I tried to choose death, just to make the pain go away (as you know) I'm surprised more people in our sitch don't get more serious diseases such as cancer on a more frequent basis (we actually may....might be a doctoral study there!)
Sorry about the stress and the crappy diet. I'm having a glass of wine in your honor right now! (sorry!)
It has been studied - people who go through a divorce are more likely to have more disease and not live as long (stress, not having a nagging spouse to force you to the dr, etc.) Lucky us.
Wii - I was just at a physical and the dr said I could have depleted certain hormones that are causing my fatigue, weight, etc. So, going through similar things right now - only suppliment so far is calcium and vit D, but may be more after I meet with the staff nutritionist. We can compare notes.
Hi y'all! Yes, stress does cause ill health, I believe.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Sorry for not getting back to you folks until now, I've been super busy trying to find something I can friggin' well eat! No dairy, no sugar, no wheat, no caffeine...I already have no sex and now they're taking away all I have left OK, enough bitching, brown rice flour pancakes aren't so bad...except I can't have syrup on them...but I did anyway (just a little)...shoot me! I've had a cold for the past few days but today I'm feeling much, much better...it must be my diet...gotta go now, it's time for my fish oil supplement. Stay well Dbers...or you'll end up eating like me!
The good news is that I have discovered that goat cheese really is good! The Naturopath told me to give this cleansing diet a chance but not to get stressed about it, do what I can or don't do it at all if I'd rather. So hopefully at some point in the future (hopefully the near future) I will start getting back some of my energy that I had previous to the virus. She says the virus was the last straw for my adrenals. I've got some lovely fish oil ($35 friggin dollars, there better not be any fish heads in it!) to take, a special Vitamin B complex, Probiotics, a herbal calming capsule, liquid magnesium and calcium (body absorbs it better than pills) and a Bach flower remedy. In three weeks she wants to do accupuncture on me...we'll think about it! Anyway, I am plugging along the best I can.