it's not mediation because it's two lawyers, right?.
Stay away from mediation.
Weddings are about love. Divorce is strictly business. There's a reason there's a "vs" between your two names on the action, agreement, document: it is adversarial.
As much as possible, stay away from L meetings with you and W present together. The dynamics and emotions that got you there in the first place just poison the atmosphere of the room (This is the main problem with Mediation, BTW.)
OBEY your lawyer unless he advocates something that really goes against your grain as a man. You have to be able to sleep nights. Don't give a rat's a$$ as to what "anybody might think" of your positions or your demands. Doesn't matter. Besides, they will be getting the one-sided, tainted version from W regardless.
Do not arrive together (wait for the next elevator, etc.); do not depart together. Do not discuss D or meeting mingling in lobby or in waiting room/reception area before meeting starts other than chit-chat pleasantries if possible in your sitch.
Do not speak directly to your wife during such meetings, or directly to her L for that matter. Look to your L for guidance and/or to speak for you. My L even gave me a code word that whenever he used it in addressing me, meant I should simply say "yes," or "I agree." I trusted him and this saved time and the grief of Gardener going on and on (as you know he's wont to do), and questioning and protesting and nit-picking.
Do not speak to W about D or its provisions together in private. Let Lawyers do that. Might be more expensive, but speaking directly to each other about legal issues is a no-win.
You are the better person. You are/were the more honorable spouse. You are the better parent. Remember that. Project that. Be calm and business-like and professional.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
