I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Vulcanized]

Speaking of that, couldn't she see my moving back in as pursuing her? When I do move back in, and let's say she actually lives there for more than 15 mins after I'm back, am I then supposed to detach from her?

Well Quart, I'm in your same sitch, 'cept I'm a woman. This is what I did, which worked, and continues to work for me.

I told H point blank that me not living in my house [the one where I put up 70% of the down payment] was no longer a viable option for me. H. became very very balky when having this convo. H. wanted to know if I was throwing him out, etc. Calmly said 'no, but if you are unhappy here, you are free to move out'. That was 2 months ago.

H. has acted like a complete and total $hit since I've been back. We had one COLOSSAL meltdown fight, in which I was afraid that H was going to hit me, which didn't happen. I decided at that point, to move out. It's a very long series of events/reasons why I decided to move, which I won't bore you with.

But since I have been back in MY HOME, with MY PETS, sleeping in MY BED, I have managed to disengage / detach from H & H's A.

This is what I've done:

Gone to gym
Visit w/friends
Read
Leave room w/H enters it
Not initiate contact/conversations/look at H
Make H aware that due to his actions and his choices that I am no longer his W

This last one is very, very important. H has decided that he wants to leave our M, sell our house, deprive each of us of half of our pets for fantasy land w/OW. So I try to drive that point home to him EACH AND EVERY SINGLE DAY. In front of H, I am happy, calm, playful w/pets, chatty w/friends on phone & in person. W/H, I am quiet, avoiding being in the same room w/him, refusing to look at him, only responding when he speaks first, walking away from him when he enters same room. I didn't come home 2 Friday nights in a row. H is now snooping on me b/c he may be wondering if I now have a side piece. I don't, but I am encouraging him to think that.

Mentally, I have absolutely no choice but to detach / create space / walk away. I love H more than anything else in the world. But I love me even more. I think that once you realize that, you just automatically start the process.

Hope that helps.