Hi hdwife...you said: "(its NOT easy modifying my natural inclinations even when I know that the behavior will be rewarded in the long run)."
I agree with your tactic, and with the theory that a bunny may be better than a cougar in a situation like yours. I want sex more often than my husband too, and I've found that being demanding or being too sexual towards him doesn't really work. Basically, they register this as a "complaint" about them, and that makes them even less likely to "comply" with your needs. Instead it turns them off and then we're going without sex even longer.
I do think that you'll get him noticing you more and possibly initiating sex more.
However...I am confused about the last part of your statement...how do you "know" you will be rewarded in the long run? My guess is that in the long run, he will be noticing you more and initiating more, but its not going to shoot up to 2x per week like you are hoping. I believe that the only way that's going to happen is if you basically get him to realize that you will not accept less than 2x per week and then get him to agree to it verbally or even in writing...and THEN you will still have to be the one to enforce it (ie: he will still try to get it back down to 1x per week or less, even with an agreement in place).
Being the coy playboy bunny is certainly going to get his attention and possibly get you some more sex...but its likely not going to change his natural sex drive. I'm just saying this because I'm going through the same thing, and also because of the 100's of stories I've read over the years about SSM's and how it works. The lower sex drive spouse will basically have to force themselves to increase the amount of sex they have...they will never naturally increase their sex drive to a large degree.
Unless you know something I don't know?
I've gone through the cycle a million times, too...I've backed off initiating, I've been agreesive, I've been passive, I've disappeared altogether, I've begged, I've refused...nothing really works in the long term to change their actual sex drive.
If I'm wrong and you've found a magical answer...tell me cuz I want more, too! ;0)
No actually...if you'll read my "wedding" thread, you'll that I've finally had some success recently in getting a bit more a bit more often...however, he STILL will naturally fall back into his normal sex drive and I STILL have to be the one to kick him back into the plan with me.
