was out of town yesterday and so wanted to post my latest learing session about myself.
was speaking with W in bed night before last - simpley asked her if my negative attitude was one of the major factors leading to where were are today, told her i want to improve myself as to not keep repeating the same things and possibly hurting others like i did her.
after a bit she looked at me and said it was a part of it (as i assumed there were many factors) but said one of the largest factors was actually that she felt i was controlling her life...not letting her be herself.
wow...i never knew that she even felt like that....i could tell by her look in her eyes that she was waiting for me to get mad and even have something spiteful to say.
just told her "thank you" and i am sorry my actions made you feel like that, i know i have a bit of a jealous side and i can see how it may have been smothering to her.
i then went for my now nightly run, as the snow fell i started to smile....i felt i was getting more in control of myself (even if it too the W to help point it out)
i want her to be herself, not what i think she should be - with that said which book would be a better read to help me better my controlling side?
Beyond CoDependence CoDependent No More
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
i do want to have these "evil" feelings gone, but she is being so nasty towards me and we are both very stubborn in our ways.
Originally Posted By: gman
will add the latest Gman suggestion to my list
Don't add it. Put it on the top of the list. It is a short, quick read and I believe that right now you would get much from the simple power of The Second Agreement: "Don't Take Anything Personally"
Trust me.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
just told her "thank you" and i am sorry my actions made you feel like that, i know i have a bit of a jealous side and i can see how it may have been smothering to her.
Great example for us all Gman~
Originally Posted By: gman
i want her to be herself, not what i think she should be - with that said which book would be a better read to help me better my controlling side?
Not to overstress a book title, but "Improve your marriage without talking about it" helped me most in understanding my Ws emotional responses (and mine). I got it from our library and saved a bundle of dough.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Don't add it. Put it on the top of the list. It is a short, quick read and I believe that right now you would get much from the simple power of The Second Agreement: "Don't Take Anything Personally"
Trust me.
done - will try to locate this one tonight...i always trust my other Gman!
not taking it personally....could have used that one this am...lol (i got a little snippy about something while getting the kids ready for school - about 3 mins later i realized that i had reacted very poorly and apologized to W for my "atitude" something i never would have done in the past)
W is watching me very closely, but i can tell by her words and actions that her wall is still up and does not beleive that any of my changes are for anything more than show at this point.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
let me start with i located the 4 agreements and am waitng for it to be delivered to my library.
while i was waiting i have been reading Beyond CoDependence, CoDependent No More (lucky day book i got is a dual book and contains both). i have come across someting that i am puzzled by. i figured that by what W has told me and what i feel that i was quite co-dependant. the book is pretty eye-opening and full of very useful insights.
here is what is puzzling me - they way co-dependancy is described fits my W more than me....it seems to me that WAS and co-dependancy pretty much go hand in hand when the WAS is "tired of trying".
not that she would probably read anything i suggest, should i offer her to read this book....or would that just be adding to the co-dependancy....kind of a catch 22 if you know what i mean.
as for sitch - still hanging in limbo right now - good hours bad hours.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
