I don't get here much now either. I check on FL just til his D gets through. He's my last peep on the board.
It seems to me - and this is just my opinion - that Chuckie boy giving Ash crap is the problem. She does not deserve that. Is there any way that you could ask your L to write him a letter asking him to cease and desist from accosting her that way? Don't know whether that's the right tact anyway. I know she's an adult now, but this I think has to end with her asking him to leave her out of it. Why would he demand answers from her? She doesn't control what you decide anyway. You decide for Ryan. Maybe she could stop him. I doubt it, but it might be worth a shot. If he were a reasonable human being, he would ask you, but he's damaged that relationship to such a degree that he can't. So he continues his rampage on others and now he's reflecting that anger on your daughter - his daughter. Why do we keep asking sensible questions about what our X's do? They're not sensible. Barb, he never cared about anyone but himself. He's continuing that now. So he continues his past here. I think IMHO that you should leave it alone and talk to your daughter. Ask her if meeting with her dad makes her uncomfortable. Ask her is she might want to take a holiday from that. Ask her if she might want to ask him to leave her out of the Ryan questions. Ask her to tell him to talk to you about it.
So many of us here don't understand the gravity of your situation. We have a light at the end of the tunnel where our X's are concerned. Once our kids reach a certain age, we can walk away from them. For me, I don't have to speak to him. I will at college graduations, weddings, etc - and I'll plant a smile on my face and be cordial, but I don't have to interact with him weekly. Your sit is different. You will always be tied because Ryan is so severely disabled. I cannot imagine having to deal with my X forever. He's a selfish creep who would throw anyone under the bus for his own pleasure including his children.
So my advice - take it or leave it - is to talk to Ash - who is an adult - and ask her how she would like to handle it. She's the key here. You can continue to ignore him - she can't.
I miss you guys! I've been watching the Olympics in Canada!
