Time for what Bill? To know that i will never have my wife back? To know that eventually i have to come to grips with the fact that some other Ahole is going to be raising my baby girl?
That last part is the root of my jealousy. I cannot stand the idea of another man telling my little girl what to do.
My parents are divorced and remarried. My step father did a lot for me, but i cannot imagine how my own father dealt with it. I struggle with that aspect of this divorce.
I still love her. But i know that a lot of what down was my fault. My fault for not working hard enough. My fault for not communicating. Yeah i know db tells you forgive yourself and accept that it takes 2 make it work, blah blah blah, but how. It doesn't tell you how.
Hey i forgive myself.
Oh wait maybe not.
This week I am so hurt. I do not even want to talk to her. She has called me 2 times, but i can't talk to her. Just thinking about her right now makes my heart leap out of my chest. Am I going dark just for the hell of it? Is there a reason to go dark? Why now? Sigh. I think im doing this all wrong.
Undrdog, I'm the same way. I worry about some other ahole raising my two year old daughter and five year old son. It drives me mad. But honestly, staying married in the situation I face now drives me more mad. The kids will one day know their real father, and how much I love them.
Trying to think about the long-term war for my kids' hearts and minds, not short-term battles... Things will improve as they grow wiser.
