Ok, so today is a new day!!.. In the last week and a bit its truly been a roller coaster ride!.. REALLY DEPRESSING moments.. I am about as close to rock bottom as they go. I think the rock bottom will be when my W and I sit to tell our children what is happening.
As of right now, my W wants to protect them from this. I dont know why becasue she wants this, but I am not going to rock the boat any longer. Patience.. Trying to learn this. Dont react..
Any who, I recieve a email this morning from my W. " You Were odd last night…..seriously have you taken to drinking in bed? This is because I just acted like me.. Smiled, giggled a bit what was on TV. W was tired, she wanted to sleep and I had the night light on.. she asked me to turn it off.. I politly and jokingly said, nah... I can see the TV better with the light on.. Then I said, "well you can always leave and sleep somewhere else ? She responds, you want me to leave? I said, sure... I love the big bed to myself..
The 180 here is that she used to tell me that she would leave because I was always pestering her. Now, I tell her to leave, and she didnt go. She stayed... lol....
Anyway, I took 25 minutes to respond to the email and only said "see weed". She quickly replied back saying Really ??? wow!!..
I am not making anything of this. But I can tell you that I havent received an email from her in awhile.. Its usually about the kids.. I know that I need to step back and just be aware. Its a long road. Stay on course as I have witnessed here.
Another thing, W tells me that her friend and her husband want to go to dinner with us.. I said sure thing but that I would like to bring the kids with us, or I need to bring a book with me because the conversations that we have at dinner put me to sleep!... I laughed as I said that.. I know I confused her. The fact that I said I want the kids there. I never do that.. I dont care either if the other couple wants them or not.. I know they love my kids so they will be ok with it.. They dont have kids of thier own and love being with mine..
Half way done the DR book.. Really good.. This email from her was one of my goals that I wrote down.. Maybe the DB, NC smile, and take care of you can really work.. I know its early and really hard not to get excited.. Just thought I would share..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Thursday... Its my journal.. Well, my s10 had an appointment with the orthodonist this am.. As I always take him I asked my W if she could this time.. She said Yes. She indicated that she would just go in a bit later to work and stay a bit later to make up the time. Well, she didnt get in untill 11:30 this morning to work. Much later than expected.. She trying to call me and send me messages to tell that there was traffic, and no parking etc, but I didnt respond. Her last message to me on the blackberry was " well you must be busy and thats why you cannot respond to the messages" Bye.
Once she was finally into work I sent her a message back sayin that I was in a meeting and my boss doesnt allow us to respond to email text or phone calls. I didnt sound like she was fine with it but I was unsure untill she said "I tried to message you and I thought thats what blackberry's are for especially in business".. I knew from that comment she wasnt happy..
Anyway, I just talked to her and she indicated that she didnt know what time she is coming home.. I asked her if she was ok.. ( not) probably not very wise from my stand point to ask. Her response was no, and that she isnt in a very good place right now. To boot, her workplace is very busy, she is training another girl and waiting to be moved to another department. My emotions tell me to be caring etc.. But the 180's tell me not to.. I am soo confused. When she comes home later tonight what should I say, how should I react to her. I know she is hurting.... as am I. She is up and down like a roller coaster. Oh god, help us please!!!
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Sorry.. Directing to you Sandi.. Others are also welcome thoughts as well.. thanks
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
yes. lol.. I guess I was looking for your thoughts into the last couple of days that I have had.. sorry to confuse..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Hi sandi. No the rest of the post was not directed at you. (just the first line... I had posted once before saying the same words a little differently ) It was directed at a few other ladies on here who seem to think that we are telling people to be a-holes to their wifes.
I just wanted to clarify that we are not recommending that. Ever.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
My emotions tell me to be caring etc.. But the 180's tell me not to.. I am soo confused.
Don't act out of your emotions during this time. Your emotions are too fragile and they will betray you. You are not to act cold-hearted or mean. You are not to be rude or unfriendly. You treat her like you would act around a business associate that you've known a long time. I started to say a co-worker but some of us are very sweet & friendly to co-workers so you might need to keep it more business-like.
Don't let her work related problems or problems she has brought upon herself become your problems (at this time). And...don't want that taken to the extreme. One man was told that and his W got sick and he wouldn't even help her! People have to stay balanced and use some common sense about these things.
If the WAW needs to talk and seeks you out, then listen to her and look right into her eyes when she speaks. But, you don't have to try to give her advice just b/c she's talking. You don't have to fix her problems. Sometimes women just need somebody to hear them.
Continue to hold back on emails & phone contacts. Remind yourself that it is pursuing at this time. When you pull back, it will draw her in.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Cutter, I hope I am not offending you as that is not my intent. I hoep that wasnt directed at me.. Sandi has been awesome..as have others including yourself.
I certainly would not want to be an ahole to my wife.. Its not in my nature to be like that.. I am really looking for some guidance from you or advice as I really am torn and wondering if this is all normal these moods etc..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
I know she is hurting.... as am I. She is up and down like a roller coaster. Oh god, help us please!!!
I think this is what men (in general) are programmed to do. Sorry for the sexism, but I'm coming to realize how deeply we're conditioned by society to soothe the pains and ease the burdens of our women.
It is part of the old structure of the old system which doesn't exist any longer. Modernity provides females with the ability to ease their own pains and shoulder their own loads. We need to adapt to this new structure. Not doing so makes us look like chumps (and who loves a chump?) and sets us up to be easy marks for the unscrupulous.
Let your wife ride that roller-coaster. Isn't it she who wants out, texts other dudes, etc.? If it is as you say, then she can pull the lever and leave the ride whenever she likes.
Just my opinion.
There is no god, by the way. There's only us. Praying is a waste of time. Stick to your plan and know that all the help you need comes from within.
Peace,
Crushed (born a Mormon, practicing atheist)
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
