Rebound, hmmmmmmmmm. I would just have to say don't do it. I rebounded 3 months after wife found MLC. 1 month after she told me that there was no hope, she "doesn't change mind" after decisions are made.
Was one of the worst mistakes I made in this entire process. While I am still friends with my "rebound", I still wonder why in the hell did I do this? And I know the answer: I needed to feel wanted. Period. However, the drama that it brought into my life sucked.
Me: 47 Pet: Kind labrador, 12 years old. Best Friend anybody could have.
Divorce final 12/07/07 No Kids
It is no longer about the divorce or about her. It's all about how I live my life now.
What you write is so very true. I really do not know if I will ever be able to love as innocently and naively as I did with exW.
I'm no where near where you guys are. I'm just reading to see how life goes on. A co-worker told me last week that he's been in his second marriage for 25 years -- and it's a truly happy one, better in every way than his first one -- and yet he stills dreams about his first wife at least once a week and thinks of her often. He said it truly never totally goes away.
That scared me. Then last night I had my first vivid dream about my estranged W. It ended with her kissing me and I woke up. That was very tough.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I'm probably going to get a 2x4, but that's fine. my d has been final for a while, and I just got remarried (2nd person I dated after ex h). I guess my new h is a "rebound", but this istruly the best relationship I have ever had (we are past the "love dust" phase -- been through a lot, so I know what I am in). He is a wonderful stepfather to my daughter and he is amazing with our baby. I guess that makes me a "success story", but I don't think I am the norm. I didn't go "looking" for him and I didn't have any expectations. I didn't have him around my daughter for a long time. I explained things to my daughter every step of the way. I went to counseling. I really thought about what this person was to me, a band-aid or a person I love and care about for who he is -- I chose the latter. So far, so good.
That scared me. Then last night I had my first vivid dream about my estranged W. It ended with her kissing me and I woke up. That was very tough.
One year later, I still get these little dreamlets (I call them) 3-4 times a week. They last barely seconds. I'll kinda feel her, hear her, it feels so real! And am drowsily aroused from sleep, fail to see or feel her form there in the dark, and mumble something sad like."that didn't just happen, did it?' or, "you're not there anymore, are you?" or, "Oh. Right. I forgot."
So real. So freaky. So sad. (sigh).
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
welllllll I don't know if it counts as rebound......but I did date someone for about 6 months. I was divorced 1.5 years before I dated anyone for more than a date or two. We spent a lot of time together and although there were a few red flags, I ignored them because we had fun together. Turns out he was a compulsive liar who was a sniper in the army (only he wasn't), and had bone cancer (but didn't)....
those were the big ones....oh yeah, and he was still seeing his ex gf on the side.
Nice....great example eh..
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
That scared me. Then last night I had my first vivid dream about my estranged W. It ended with her kissing me and I woke up. That was very tough.
One year later, I still get these little dreamlets (I call them) 3-4 times a week. They last barely seconds. I'll kinda feel her, hear her, it feels so real! And am drowsily aroused from sleep, fail to see or feel her form there in the dark, and mumble something sad like."that didn't just happen, did it?' or, "you're not there anymore, are you?" or, "Oh. Right. I forgot."
So real. So freaky. So sad. (sigh).
I hate that feeling. Im not even D yet but have those dreams 2-3 times a week. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed to face reality. The woman I married doesnt exist anymore...she really doenst. The person I fell in love with wouldnt have done the things she did to me the past 5 mths. Speaking of rebounds, she is already getting involved with someone who I thought was a friend of mine. My STBXW asked me to do so many things for her the past 5 mths, the only thing I asked of her was to not date until the D was final. What a disappointment.
Back to the rebound thing. Many people have told me the easiest way to move on is to start dating again. The best way to drive a nail out is to drive a new nail in behind it.
So, what are the signs that its time to date again and it not be considered a rebound?
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
Back to the rebound thing. Many people have told me the easiest way to move on is to start dating again. The best way to drive a nail out is to drive a new nail in behind it.
So, what are the signs that its time to date again and it not be considered a rebound?
Well, I think if it's a nail in nail out thing, than it's a rebound.
Kids aren't an issue for me, since fathers "never" get custody in my state. But what about finding a woman who puts her husband first (as she should, based upon my Christian beliefs)? Is that a reasonable expectation? Part of the problem I'm facing now is that stbx puts kids and hobbies way ahead of me on the priority list...
