No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[MrBond]

Dr. Gno (cool name),

Here are your answers:
1) What (if anything) did YOU do to create a crisis?
You know, I really don't know if there was any one thing that cause the crisis. I mean, we had our problems like any other married couple. Nothing too major that I was aware of. I think my W had just hit a MLC triggered by the death of her grandmother who raised her, threat of losing her job, her boss showing her lots of attention, our D being born, all within a couple months.

I asked her if she was okay in each situation, tried to get her to talk, told her I'd listen, etc. But she told me everything was "fine". I think she just has poor coping skills.

2) How and why is she still holding you hostage?
I definitely don't think she's holding me hostage. It is my choice to stay not her. Even though she wants a D, she hasn't done anything to move forward. The life that she claimed she wanted (going out, getting a boob job, going to the gym, etc.) she hasn't done at all in two years. She just stays home and does things alone.

What she does is up to her. I keep myself busy and have become a better man and most importantly a better father.

3) How did you demonstrate what she will be losing by leaving from a R with you?
I wouldn't say I demonstrated anything on purpose. I changed those things in my character that she thought was negative, but most importantly, the more I read about R and how men are, I changed things that "I" thought were negative.

Sure I did the outward stuff too. Like I dressed a little better, worked out more, etc.

There was a period where I was going out with someone just because the timing seemed right and she knew about it. Did that make her come back? Nope. But the experience showed me what I felt was important. I figured I wanted to be M to my W and that was that. Sure I could move on with someone else and maybe I will, but just not now. My gut is just telling me it's not time.

What did all of this experience teach me? The most important thing was that I got back my self-worth. That regardless of what she would say, "I" was a good person. "I" mattered. That's important when all you've been hearing from the WAS is that you don't count in their eyes. We DO count. We DO matter and We ARE important.