One thing that jumped out on mean outta your posts was that H had requested that you stop when he asks you to stop.. is that because you have previously suffered from badgering disease or is he using it to shut you down and control you! Might be a good one to add to your MC .. How do I discuss some thing that is important to me when I want to respect H's request to stop but it will need dealing with at some point! [/quote]
Well I think it's a bit of both. He shuts me down to control me, for sure. It's the bait - says something he knows will spin me and purposely shuts me down. He does not shut me down in a nice way either.
My problem is that when I am in panic mode, or mad being treated this way, I badger. It's a dynamic. Now I'm working on stopping my side but feel it's unfair that he continues the control tactics. WE've discussed it in MC and agreed whoever "shuts it down" needs to do it kindly and bring it back up when they are calmer. H is still throwing his toys and refusing to do either. I'm still working on my ODP so I kicked myself for beginning the old badger, but I did stop! I would have continued the pushme/pullyou thing into the night a year ago.
The crazy thing is at other times he badgers me incessantly - I'm too upset to write it now, but let's just say this morning was a doozy. I kept asking him to just stop and let it go and he escalated and stormed out with a shouting tantrum, abandoning his responsibility of taking S to school. I'm rethinking this whole DB thing - maybe I need an abuse support site instead!
Again this morning I stayed calm, however. Its the absolute ignorance to any hypocrasy that is just infuriating.
