so he won't go to her track meet b/c she's been acting distant (read: HURT) from him? Well -- I guess he's sure showing her who the adult is...(Sheesh!)
Doing that of course, ironically, means he really loses so much more than she does. He's blind. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
so he won't go to her track meet b/c she's been acting distant (read: HURT) from him? Well -- I guess he's sure showing her who the adult is...(Sheesh!)
Doing that of course, ironically, means he really loses so much more than she does. He's blind. j-
I know. Its really sad that he has an opportunity to try and support his d15 yet all he can think about is himself and how it affects him. He said he wasn't sure if he should go or not...what if he doesn't go and everyone wonders why he isn't there? Will he look like a bad dad? That is actually what he said he was worried about.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
You have to get your "tubes" back on that one...he ain't gonna get her! Period.
I am thinkin she isn't worried that he'll get ALL custody, it's when he gets unsupervised and just plain more custody overall. or maybe I'm wrong on that.
I would agree, that for him to get full custody would be absurd, but for him to get partial custody, or even half, is not...(when the time comes that he can have unsupervised, that is)
so SO2, what did you reply to him when he said should he go or not?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
You have to get your "tubes" back on that one...he ain't gonna get her! Period.
I am thinkin she isn't worried that he'll get ALL custody, it's when he gets unsupervised and just plain more custody overall. or maybe I'm wrong on that.
I would agree, that for him to get full custody would be absurd, but for him to get partial custody, or even half, is not...(when the time comes that he can have unsupervised, that is)
so SO2, what did you reply to him when he said should he go or not?
Yes..It is that ST. I don't worry about full custody. I worry that he will get unsupervised time with her eventually. Besides the immoral, disgusting way he lives his life, I worry about the drinking when he would have her.
I didn't say anything. I wanted to, but didn't. I just sorta looked at him. I wanted to tell him that he caused some of this distance with his D. That he needs to stop being such a victim. Then I remembered it wasn't my place to preach to him anymore...hes got MGF stroking his ego now. The things I would say would just make him mad.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Looking forward to my friends bday dinner Saturday, except I just found out that exh's sister will also be coming as well. I don't want to get into it again with exh about when I leave baby I need to call him first! UGH! This put a bit of a damper on my excitement for the evening.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Why do you need to call him? You have legal and physical custody of your daughter, he has supervised visits. You do not have to tell him where you are going or what you are doing regardign supervision of your daughter. I have joint legal custody and primary physical custody of my children. I have no obligation to inform my X about their supervision when they are with me, and he does not have any obligation to me when they are with him. The only time it would be an issue is if either of us were putting the kids in danger, and the only way we could even find out is if the kids said anything, or we spied on each other. I don't think that my X has always provided proper supervision for the kids, but it really isn't my business, until I have reasonable belief that they are in danger. You have no obligation to say anything to your X unless it is part of your legal agreement.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
that's right, you do not need to fear this about calling him first. if he had unsupervised visits, then it would be different. But he doesn't. so just don't call him, and have fun that night and don't worry about xSIL. who cares if she tells him. and when he gripes, you tell him that until the courts change their decision about his supervised visits, you will be contacting others to watch D. period.
don't be fearful, this is one of those times where it's just too bad for him. it is the law.
and on the reply to his older daughter problem. I know some of you will say, it isn't your problem to deal with, but this is my thinking. this man is going to be in your life forever unless he totally skips out and disappears. He is your D's Dad. no matter what, there is going to be some type of R between them, either good or bad. I would like to think it could eventually be good. So, if you have opportunity to help guide him down the right path, then IMHO, I would do so. and I would get him to thinking and questioning himself. not telling him what to do.
and again, this is just MHO, and I understand if you would rather stay out.
he says "I think I might not go to her game, since she never does blah blah" then I might say "how do you think that might affect your R with her? do you think it would help her get closer to you or further away?" "what is your goal for your R with her and what do you think you can do to get that connection back?" "what do you think her reaction might be?" stuff like that.
just a thought. because whatever he is doing to that daughter, he is going to do to your daughter. unless he learns something by then.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Why do you need to call him? You have legal and physical custody of your daughter, he has supervised visits. You do not have to tell him where you are going or what you are doing regardign supervision of your daughter. I have joint legal custody and primary physical custody of my children. I have no obligation to inform my X about their supervision when they are with me, and he does not have any obligation to me when they are with him. The only time it would be an issue is if either of us were putting the kids in danger, and the only way we could even find out is if the kids said anything, or we spied on each other. I don't think that my X has always provided proper supervision for the kids, but it really isn't my business, until I have reasonable belief that they are in danger. You have no obligation to say anything to your X unless it is part of your legal agreement.
AMEN!! And IF that happens, address it then and there without debate. But the worrying about something that MIGHT happen in the future is getting you nowhere and keeps you stuck....That's my point. And fyi, NONE of us knows that our kids are always safe but we take one day at a time and we KNOW what dealbreakers are (like endangering the kids) and that no matter how "angry" the WAS may become when we protect, so what? If our kids are in danger, we go into Mother Bear Mode (even if we're dads...)
Make sense? Just Live your life without so much fear. I feel like I've explained in fair detail how UNhealthy it is and how it isn't helping your sitch at all. Fear has kept you stuck for a long while and no matter what your reason is, it isn't good for you. I even wonder if the MGF were not in the picture, if you'd still be hanging on his every word and possible thought. I'm kind of glad he's with her so you can truly see who he is at this point. I know, it sucks. But the thing that's worse is when you can't see it clearly, which at least now you do.
Good luck, j-
PS I am not someone who fears being alone. In fact i value that time...but I saw a phrase the other day I really liked...here it is...
THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING ALONE....IS WISHING YOU WERE...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I know the fear isn't right...but I still have it. Won't stop me from going this weekend either. I just don't look forward to exchanging words with exh. It may be a day or two before exh finds out anyway.
Exh wanted to come by again today. I just ignored.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
