Starting to notice a pattern. I've been very withdrawn from/H. Don't initiate conversation, or interaction. I'm not mean, or nasty, I'm just not engaging w/him, or looking at him. I walk away from him, or leave the room. He is around (in my physical space) alot, but doesn't initiate conversation of any sort and I keep backing away, adding physical distance. I don't speak unless responding to something he has said.
He seems to be trying to force a reaction out of me. The past week, he's been somewhat 'in my face'. So I leave, go to different part of the house. He's tried to get me to fight with him, which I almost did, but then realized immediately what was going on. Nipped it in the bud and calmly went upstairs. He was downstairs yelling, and I kept saying 'No big deal'.
Today, I've noticed that he's taken the dog, and her overnight things - dishes, toys, etc. So it's clear that he has no intention of spending the night here. The last time he did that, I didn't give him any reaction at all. Fussed over dog, asked her if she had a fun day, etc. I know it's a silly way to act w/an animal, but she is my baby, and I talk to her like that all the time, anyway. It is completely in the norm & H knows that.
When I realized he's not coming back for the night, I started getting angry. He's probably w/OW [I assume]. I'm out of here in 10 days; he knows that. He keeps saying how he wants all this [separation & D] to be amicable, sunshine, rainbows & unicorn farts, and we can be "best friends again" and other such ridiculous crap. Yet ... he keeps doing his fu@#ing best to instigate bad scenes.
I find this so frustrating. He says he wants out, yet continues to passively not do anything toward that end except for OW, which obviously is a BIG DEAL.
Yet:
* Finally went to talk to L. on 2/4 after 5 mos. of me telling him to do just that
* Hasn't had any follow up w/L - combed through phone records & got confirmation
* Has been going thru my $hit
* Reading my journal
* Digging thru my phone
In the interim, back to heavy phone contact w/OW. Very few texts, no calls on VD weekend. I think OW has a BF, which would explain VD NC. But since then, 20+ texts/hour long calls every day.
I can't seem to bust the A. It's driving me NUTS. Trying to be Zen, move forward, etc. I had an amazing moment of clarity and detachment last week. I'm still holding on to it, moving on w/o H for now. Maybe there will come a point in the future where I decide that instead of for now, it is more for ever. I'm o.k. with that idea.
I'm just so confused as to why H. is trying to make a hard time even harder. Why he's trying to force a bad reaction out of me. I stopped fighting w/him at the end of October. Had one blow out and one spat in 4.5 months. But he keeps picking and picking and picking. I just don't get it.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
