She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Gardener]

I have Learned Optimism. Found it good but a tad tedious in the beginning (which is, admittedly as far as I got so fa)r.

But I must say that it might be a bit much, a bit overwhelming for a 13 yr,old or 17 yr. old.

[givingitmyall]

Agreed it is a bit much for a 13 year old.

[flowmom]

It's really silly. I feel like I'm in high school again.

That "high school" feeling is the feeling of losing control, and I can understand why that would be really scary for you right now. But normal!

The wonder and excitement that you felt as you enjoyed your NY friend came from you, not from your friend.

"someone held up a mirror and showed you your heart"
-- Byron Katie

[Awoken]

Thanks Flowmom; That's a great point, the feelings do come from me.
I like the Byron Katie quote, and remember you read her books. Are they working good for you?

[Awoken]

This morning, W overslept for her job again. It's the second time ever. The first time, she had drank her to sleep and was too drunk to hear set the alarm. I presume it was the same this time.
She usually leaves around 5:30-6am. I get up at 6-6:30 to get the kids to school. This morning, when I got up I noticed that our dog (really her dog) that usually sleeps with W, was stuck in the hallway. I assumed that W had just forgot to let him downstairs before she left. Turns out he had slept in the hallway all night.

I'm making breakfast in the kitchen when she stomps in, cussing and angry about being late to work. I didn't say a word, and just got out of the way. 4 months ago this would've been a big 180 for me, since I'm always the one to step up and help her. She has said she resents this.

Still, I felt pretty hostile about doing nothing to help. I think it falls under NC, not pursuing, letting her have her consequences. But, I still doubt if it's the right direction.

I suppose it might have been better to cheerfully offer her help, get her coffee, ect...

I just don't know. Any thoughts?

[givingitmyall]

I suppose it might have been better to cheerfully offer her help, get her coffee, ect...

I just don't know. Any thoughts?

I understand your feeling b/c I am living that now as well. But, where di being the "nice, friendly guy" get you? You are on the right course - just stick with it.

It feels weird, I know. But, at this point, it isn't about her. It's about YOU. AndNC gives you a way to protect yourself and give her a dose of reality of what her new life will be like.

I am NOT suggesting you turn into an a$$ (I don't think you could). Just only speak when spoken to, and only when you fell like it.

[flowmom]

Awoken, sending more hugs your way.

It sounds like she is crashing and burning. This is a case where al-anon would probably have the best advice, but it seems like a "get out of the way" kind of situation. It must be so hard to watch, but really you're a bystander when it comes to her drinking.

I like the Byron Katie quote, and remember you read her books. Are they working good for you?

Doing The Work is actually one of the few things that seems to bring me peace for a few hours and relieves me from the mental torture of trying to fix my sitch in my head.

[Awoken]

(((hugs))) right back to you FlowMom!

I'm feeling better today; because I'm choosing to.

I'm trying to goto my al-anon meeting this saturday morning.

[rockedworld]

I'm feeling better today; because I'm choosing to.

That's the ticket... right there!

[Gardener]

Still, I felt pretty hostile about doing nothing to help. I think it falls under NC, not pursuing, letting her have her consequences. But, I still doubt if it's the right direction.
I suppose it might have been better to cheerfully offer her help, get her coffee, ect...
I just don't know. Any thoughts?

I am proud of your resolve, Awoken. You did not act as her enabler!
Consequences!
Good going.