Jack - you are right the old me was impatient, pompus and controling. The new me is not...okay still a little patient, which is the killer for me right now. That and the thought of my wife in the arms of someone esle but therein lines my problem. I need to stop looking at her and just move on - loving her from a distance and accepting that she is lost.
C-Bart - I know that i can begin living my life now. I do but I'm still at a point where I miss my W and I know you guys understand this. The feeling of lost will pass with time as I begin to accept the fact that my old M is dead.
Bill - as u mentioned the feeling of betrayal is immense. The sight of seeing her happy, with a glow on her face as she speaks to the OM is tough but something that I will need to deal with regardless of what happens. I just need to remind myself that this is about ME and not about her. I read some of your older post so I know you know how I feel.
Kerry - I've cutoff quite a few friends, mostly because everyone thinks I'm idiot for trying to stick thru this. Actually, let me clarify that...every sigle one of my friends with the exception of TWO think I'm ass. Trust me that this does not help with the feelings of loniliness that I have.
OP - thanks man. They are my world...right now I think I'm smoothering them a bit but can't help it. I spent so many years working long hours so that she could raise them (another point of anger - sorry) that I missed out on a lot. I also missed out because as Jack pointed out i was a pompus, outgoing, networking at work prick. The new guys does not do that. By the way..how far r u from Albany/Colony?
In closing, I know I need to be patient and I also know that I am not at a point that I should give up. In this process I need to find what I'm really made of. I say I love my wife...but do I love her enough to stand - that is the question that I need to ask myself. I think I do...but honestly I just don't know right now.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
