I only have a moment (I think my daughter might be going into labor -- Puppy's gonna be a grandpa! ), but my short answer is:
It IS possible for a couple to get past an affair if the cheating spouse doesn't ever express true remorse. In fact, there is no remorse expressed the majority of the time (or it may be an "I'm sorry if it hurt you, but I'm not sorry I had it" sort of a thing).
it is NOT possible for a couple to reconcile if the breakup was due to an affair, and the affair is not ever ADMITTED TO. Forget the remorse, as you may not get it, but I believe it DOES have to be dealt with -- and preferably by a good family therapist or MC who specializes in infidelity -- and then also accompanied by a no-contact letter and full transparency plan being implemented.