The pain will subside and clarity will take its place. The pain might return, in lesser waves, but it will subside more and more often.
Your little girl is your priority now. That's my thought, anyway.
Everything I'm doing now is for my kids. I found that on a sig here. "What is good for my kids is good for me".
They will be here long after you, the adulteress and that pathetic cradle robbing homewrecker are worm food. Think about that. She's the gift you're giving the world. Heal her and you heal yourself.
Until tomorrow...
wow...you made my day. Even my own family hasnt spoken ill of the OM like that.
Somehow I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who finds his actions and presence disgusting.
crushed: surely you jest. No one is causing nsw more pain than himself but he is too addicted to the self-pity train to even want to get off, much less constructively try. Ergo, the suffering, while indeed optional, will not stop because he is fueling it constantly.
MrBond, and Gardener, as with others including myself, would find a much warmer response from nsw if we ignore good sense and facts, and feed him what he thinks is validation.
Nsw, nobody here would think adulterers are nice. Many HATE predators, whom I personally find to be "disgusting". That (and the blame game), however, has nothing to do with trying to be a better person for yourself.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Stop wishing your life away. Wishing your life away leads to an awful lot of wasted time and frustration. If you wish you never met your stbx then you would not have your daughter.
You protest a bit too much. I don't believe for a second you don't want your stbx back and no matter how many times you say it, it doesn't make it true.
The more time you waste thinking about what your stbx "deserves" (EX: she does not deserve her child) the less time you have to work on you. It is not up to you to decide what your stbx deserves or not. If things are that dire then get some PROFESSIONAL assistance with co-parenting, individual parenting and a formal custody agreement. You are making this a HUGE issue when there are many, many avenues to help you create an appropriate and healthy framework for your daughter.
If your IC doesn't not offer you solid guidance, is not teaching you the tools to create solutions in your life and only "listens" it is time to find a new IC. Until you obtain the tools to deal with life in a different way you will never be able to address your demons. Make a very detailed list of what you need from your IC and let him/her know your goals. If he/she is unable to counsel you in an effective manner to reach those goals find a C who is.
Getting involved in another R at ANY LEVEL is the most foolish thing I have heard in a while.
Several pages have been filled with advice and the ONLY positive response you have shared is one in which you relished the idea of bashing OM.
Stop wishing your life away. Wishing your life away leads to an awful lot of wasted time and frustration. If you wish you never met your stbx then you would not have your daughter.
You protest a bit too much. I don't believe for a second you don't want your stbx back and no matter how many times you say it, it doesn't make it true.
The more time you waste thinking about what your stbx "deserves" (EX: she does not deserve her child) the less time you have to work on you. It is not up to you to decide what your stbx deserves or not. If things are that dire then get some PROFESSIONAL assistance with co-parenting, individual parenting and a formal custody agreement. You are making this a HUGE issue when there are many, many avenues to help you create an appropriate and healthy framework for your daughter.
If your IC doesn't not offer you solid guidance, is not teaching you the tools to create solutions in your life and only "listens" it is time to find a new IC. Until you obtain the tools to deal with life in a different way you will never be able to address your demons. Make a very detailed list of what you need from your IC and let him/her know your goals. If he/she is unable to counsel you in an effective manner to reach those goals find a C who is.
Getting involved in another R at ANY LEVEL is the most foolish thing I have heard in a while.
Several pages have been filled with advice and the ONLY positive response you have shared is one in which you relished the idea of bashing OM.
<pressing the applause button>
The only reason that I am posting in your thread is because I have to believe that you have a kernel of strength that you can use to grow up and become the father that your precious, fragile D3 needs and deserves.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
crushed: surely you jest. No one is causing nsw more pain than himself but he is too addicted to the self-pity train to even want to get off, much less constructively try. Ergo, the suffering, while indeed optional, will not stop because he is fueling it constantly.
Don't disagree with you at all. I remember those days when I was new to being on the other side of these shenanigans... all the pain and hopelessness and angst... all the self-doubt (what's wrong with me that she needs to go elsewhere?) and the rest.
What liberated me from all this was simply letting my own wife go and make her mistakes. I started concentrating on my children and considering my wife's bad behavior her problem, provided it didn't invade the sanctuary of the home. Other men/friends, alcohol, etc. was not to come home. Provided she did her thang elsewhere and didn't affect us directly, I considered it too boring to bother with.
I really think that nsw should start approaching life from the perspective of his little girl. His ex-wife/ex-gf and her male friend(s) are not worthy of his angst, or even his attention, provided they don't negatively impact his daughter (if they do, all bets are off, of course).
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
If you wish you never met your stbx then you would not have your daughter.
No I wouldnt...and as much as I love her, had I known then how all this would turn out, I still wish I hadnt met my ex. It's not right that anyone, especially a child, has to go through situations like this.
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
You protest a bit too much. I don't believe for a second you don't want your stbx back and no matter how many times you say it, it doesn't make it true.
She's not the same person I fell in love with...and she's changed beyond even the person I thought I knew in the last few months of our R before she left.
Even my own family hasnt spoken ill of the OM like that.