Starting down a new road

[HeartsBlessing]

When do you get back home?

I'm an over the road truckdriver and have been that for 7 years. At this point in time I dispatch myself, scheduling to suit myself. It just so happened I was over in KS when husband broke his leg. I could have delivered what I had and dead headed home; but he vetoed that; telling me that he would be out of work for at least three months, so I didn't go.

I'm not sure when I'm make it home, though..it depends on how plentiful the loads are headed back toward my home...but I will make it home, rest assured.

I did see your post, and was trying to figure out what kind of answer you're looking for..was thinking it out; I always joke that sometimes I'm slow on the uptake. LOL!!
By the way, for the record; I'm 43, my husband is 47...I was 33, and he was 37 when he went through the MLC tunnel.

I pulled this from my thread:

You are in about the same age group as myself and my wife, I am guessing again. I know that the change does different things to women and actually the same to men. For men it just normally takes a much longer time. I am curious how you think this relates to many of the situations on this board, (I know you are not familiar with the present ones but this is a general question not specific to any one sich).
Many of my friends (in real life) are going through life changing events, and of course everyone reacts differently, but their is a certain amount of science in all of this.

Well, I can't say that the times for men are longer than women...I'd say the times to come through and process out completely or sometimes incompletely, depend upon the individual and how many issues they have to work through, from their childhood and life in general.

Each person handles this crisis differently; some may breeze through, some are picking his/her way through, some are lost in the fog; many for life, because the intense fear that is suffered while within the crisis is almost debilitating to quite a few...some have allowed themselves to be "pressured" into coming back to what they were temporarily, (at least until the monster knocks on the door once again in a few years or so..some will manage to keep it at bay until an advanced age; then it just overcomes them)but that's just a way of delaying nature, as it will come back once again, worse, and will take MORE time to work through than if they'd just gone ahead and gone through the first time without interference.

Each case here or anywhere is different, no two people will experience this journey in the same way.....each MLC'er may say the same things, do some of the same things...some components will be missing, some will have some added stuff no one has seen before...and so someone does the research to find out why.

Part of my learning was the research, and sometimes I STILL do research....and I admit I did it for quite a few people when I was here before; did a little for you on my last answer to your thread. I don't mind it at all as this is what I do as a "help" to others.

It's natural for me to pay attention to someone who needs help with something, and if I don't know the answer, I WILL find out. I'm naturally inquisitive, have a need to understand, then transfer that understanding to another in a way the individual I'm dealing with will comprehend what I'm trying to get across.

As far as how this all relates to the situations on the various MLC boards; again, each person is different...and each Transition is different. You've got alot of close-minded people(not on THIS board) that, unfortunately, will miss a great opportunity to learn the lessons of a lifetime, and they want things the way they want them to be, unwilling to even entertain the notion that their spouse is going through a change that is necessary, eschewing change of any kind; even within themselves, and in the end they continue to recyle through the same type of events with different people never learning anything in that process...and so the multiple marriages continue.
Or, if they do not marry again, continuing to grieve for the spouse who left, even after quite a number of years; never moving on; and further cheating themselves out of the opportunity to grow.

Knowledge and Wisdom is gained from experience, and from the willingness to learn, lose all to maybe gain something better; becoming content within your circumstances..and learning that happiness cannot be provided by another; it all comes from within your self. You just have to tap into it.

Unfortunately, most; much like the MLC'er, they decide they must have made a mistake, aren't listening to sound advice, quick to divorce and go on to marry another..then that person, given time, starts through the change..or maybe THEY hit that time of their life starting through the tunnel, and decide on a great many things that turn out to be mistakes....what a mess! And I could go on and on.


So, you see there are many possibilities in this..then you factor in the various lives of people, their beliefs, their habits, their issues.. etc.

I will say this, I am spiritual, and believe in the Lord with all I have; and though people have said that He doesn't speak, I disagree strongly. I've paid strict attention to His guidance over the years, having been shown that although I was free to walk away after the adultery was committed; I WOULD go through this again if I married another without having learned the lessons I was set to learn from this. Also, and He is a great advisor, you might as well keep what you have if that person wishes to stick with you AND you are willing to forgive them for what they have done to you... as you can do MUCH worse.

I know at times I sound like a counselor; I probably could have made a good living doing that, but I didn't choose that vocation...preferring instead to give what I have away for free.

He spoke through me many times when I was here before; still does. I know that things happen for a reason; and I was sent back here temporarily for a reason.
He makes no mistakes when it comes to sending people across your path to plant seeds within your soul. It has NEVER mattered to me where people came from..whether they were believers or not, I help as I'm charged to do.

The one thing I HAVE had confirmed very strongly has been the fact that I am truly at a different place; far removed from where I was 8 years ago when I was here before.
And in a way, I do not belong here anymore, although I was once one of you. The words I wrote then were inspired by the Lord who guided me through; and I did not realize they would continue to live on once I was gone.
He STILL inspires me to help others with what I have to share...I am STILL humbled at having been referred to as a "Legend". If He had not been with me, I would have been unable to have written all I wrote; help all I helped, and I wouldn't still be standing here today.
I am by nature a very humble person, caring for others; praying for others; never mind what happens to me.

That was why there wasn't that much about my own situation posted in the archives. Through helping others, I attained my own healing; suffer fragmented memories though the facts are there at times, and I will always remember them that way.
I have also gotten a good laugh when I do remember..and that draws some strange looks from people when I share what I do remember, and laugh at ALL the stupidity(even what he did when he committed adultery) my husband exhibited when he went through. My emphasis is always on the lessons and on learning to heal the wounds that resulting from this journey; not on what he did or didn't do.

The LBS, as they come through the journey, MUST somehow accept everything that's happened, forgive(not necessarily forget)and actually integrate that experience into their psyche in order to move on with their life, whether the marriage makes it or doesn't.
If they do NOT find a way to make peace and come to terms with the events that have shattered their lives....they will never be happy, can become bitter, carry it into the next relationship...and it could be the catalyst for another relational breakdown.
Healing cannot occur without Acceptance, which is the first step toward becoming whole once again.

This is the place I came to; a healing place...and I'm sure glad I did. I became a better person for what I endured, and though troubles are never over with...there's still SO much to learn and experience throughout each day; might as well be cheerful about it even when it's driving you crazy. LOL! Stress can be very detrimental to your health; I'd rather find peace and keep it as long as I can.

I think you'll be cross eyed by the time you finished reading this, LOL!!

I hope it helps you somewhat on the journey you're on.

I have about decided we are ALWAYS on a journey of some sort..and help is always given along the way when we need it.