help with a plan

[flowmom]

I haven't read your other threads so I may be missing something...

Just looking for some input if anyone happens on this-
Talked to Dotty on the phone Mon. night, and she suggested some things that seem to go against what others have told me here and what I have read. Dotty thinks my W wants more affection from me and that I should go give her a hug and kiss when I get home from work,ask her out and things like that. I used to do things like that, but haven't in quite a while.

I would suggest following Dotty's advice because she has the advantage of hearing your voice and getting the "vibe" of your personality and style. Also, no one on this board has given me the advice that Dotty has regarding how to deal with my H, but it does seem to be "working" (i.e. H seeming to soften, less D talk, less grim). I would follow her advice BUT I would do it very carefully:

1. show some affection (start with non-sexual), then withdraw and don't put yourself in a position where you're going to get rejected or treated badly

2. don't show affection all the time...do a little bit then monitor how she reacts

3. pick your timing carefully!!

Read Divorce Remedy carefully before trying this...you need to understand DB 101 before you start DBing.

Sometimes men don't understand how alone women feel in their Ms. I've fantasized about having EAs and PAs, not because I don't love my M or want our M to work, but because the loneliness got so painful. I think that "being the better option" probably does work in cases where the W is in the process of giving up hope of having her needs met in the M, but hasn't completely given up hope.